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Types of white knight -

First up is the overly empathetic white knight. This knight feels their loved ones’ pain very intensely and feels guilty when they are unable to help.

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Overly empathetic white knight -

Overly empathetic white knights often experience a very burdensome sense of responsibility early in their lives, which they then carry with them into adulthood.

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Tarnished white knight - Next up is the tarnished white knight. This knight is incredibly vulnerable and feels a strong urge to constantly help others out of fear of abandonment.

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Tarnished white knight -

People who suffer with tarnished white knight syndrome often live in fear that they will be abandoned once they are no longer useful. It can also stem from childhood trauma.

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Terrorizing/terrified white knight -

Last but not least, the terrorizing/terrified white knight. This knight is very manipulative and is most likely to have experienced some sort of trauma as a child.

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Terrorizing/terrified white knight -

This type of knight does not necessarily have good intentions when helping others. Rather, they tend to ‘help’ others as a means of forcing people to stay close.

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Balanced rescuer -

A healthy alternative to the three types of white knight is the balanced rescuer. These are the people that model empathetic, kind, and charitable behavior.

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Balanced rescuer -

Balanced rescuers recognize the needs of people around them, but also recognize their own capacity to help. They help others when they can, but not because they need or expect anything in return.

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Symptoms of WKS -

A key sign that you may have WKS is that you tend to offer unsolicited advice or aid. This means that you offer to help people who you may think need it, even though they haven’t asked for or simply don’t want your help.

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Offering unsolicited advice -

The urge to help others and/or insert yourself where you’re not welcome is often impulsive and you may find yourself saying things like "I’m just trying to help."

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Feeling hurt when people decline your offer of help -

People who struggle with WKS also tend to feel deflated and unworthy when someone declines their offer of help. They might feel that the other person does not value them.

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Feeling hurt when people decline your offer of help -

White knights normally experience a strong sense of satisfaction or validation when they are able to help others, and they struggle when their help is turned down.

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Looking for a partner you can 'fix' -

Another classic behavior of white knights is to look for partners they can ‘fix.’ White knights get a sense of validation from helping others, and having a partner they can help secures a reliable source of validation.

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Looking for a partner you can 'fix' -

Relationships that involve WKS often become abusive when the knight deliberately stunts or sabotages the other partner in order to ensure they remain dependent on them.

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Feeling guilty when you can't help -

If you feel intense guilt when you are unable to help others, that may also be a symptom of WKS. White knights have a strong tendency to set unrealistic goals for themselves and others.

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Feeling guilty when you can't help -

For example, you might coach your friend in what to say to their boss when asking for a raise, and when they don’t get that raise, you may feel guilty for having failed. In reality, however, it has nothing to do with you.

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Prioritizing the needs of others over your own -

Another trait of white knights is that they tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own. Of course, most of us are guilty of this to a certain extent.

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Prioritizing the needs of others over your own -

In the case of white knights, however, this behavior can become so extreme that they begin to neglect their own mental health and general well-being.

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You have a past filled with trauma -

White knights often have a past that is filled with trauma. Their relentlessness in helping others often stems from a need to gain control over their own lives.

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You have a past filled with trauma -

Whether you have low self-esteem or a sense of inferiority that makes you want to prove yourself, this can manifest as WKS.

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How to tackle WKS -

It may sound easier said than done, but if you are going to get a grip on your WKS, you need to start saying "no" to helping others.

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Start by saying "no" -

You don’t need to stop helping others altogether, of course, but definitely start by not helping where someone has not explicitly asked for your help.

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Give people more credit -

Another good step to take in tackling your WKS is to give other people more credit for their own abilities. After all, part of being a white knight is assuming that others are vulnerable.

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Give people more credit -

Instead of seeing the people around you as needing saving, try to trust that they are just as capable as you are and treat them as equals.

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Repeat affirmations -

Given that the root cause of WKS is often low self-esteem, you might try repeating some positive affirmations to improve your sense of self-worth.

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Repeat affirmations -

Take time to do things that you enjoy and that you are good at, as well as writing down 10 concrete things you like about yourself, or 10 skills you have that make you proud.

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Ask for help yourself -

Another concrete thing you can do to shift the dynamic is to ask for help yourself. Admitting your own need for help loosens the grip on your need for control.

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Ask for help yourself -

You might start by asking for help on a project at work, or with chores around the house. Relationships should involve give and take, so it’s important that others give every now and again.

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Speak to a therapist -

Last but not least, it might be a good idea to speak to a therapist about your past traumas or suppressed feelings.

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Speak to a therapist -

As previously mentioned, WKS is often caused by unresolved issues from early in your life, and therapy is a great way to resolve those issues and finally let go.

Sources: (WikiHow)

See also: Understanding the many different forms of therapy

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