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Signs of controlling parents -

Sometimes the behaviors of controlling parents come from a place of love and concern. But regardless of intent, controlling parenting can have negative consequences. Click on for the signs.

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Interfering in everything - One of the telltale signs of a controlling parent is them trying to dictate a child's academic decisions, career, and social life. This can even continue on until adulthood.

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High, truly unattainable standards -

Controlling parents tend to put a lot of pressure on their children to live up to their expectations, which are often high and unattainable.

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Criticizing or having an unsolicited opinion about independent choices -

To a controlling parent, every decision their child makes is wrong unless they agree, even if the choice doesn't impact them.

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Conditional love -

This means withholding love, affection, or approval when a child fails to meet their parent's standards. Love isn't given freely or without expectation from controlling parents.

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Rigid rules -

Another sign of control is enforcing rigid rules without explanation or flexibility to adjust when needed. It's a way for parents to project their own anxieties onto their child.

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Lack of empathy and respect -

Controlling parents won't show empathy, or even respect their child's autonomy.

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Lack of appreciation for individuality -

There's a lack of understanding and appreciating their child's development and maturing. Rather than accepting this natural process, a controlling parent will try to get their kid to be who they want them to be.

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Use of manipulation tactics -

Overly controlling parents may use emotional manipulation to control their children. They may even manipulate their children with money or gifts as a way to control their decisions and behaviors.

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Lack of privacy -

A controlling parent expects every aspect of a child's life to be shared.

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Harsh punishments that don't align with the offense -

Any minor infractions result in loss of privileges or excessive grounding.

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Types of parental control -

Different types of parental control directly impact children, teenagers, and adults, affecting their emotional regulation and general well-being. The types of parental control include behavioral control, psychological control, and overparenting.

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Behavioral control -

This refers to parental efforts to regulate and monitor a child's behavior. Inappropriate behavioral control can limit building autonomy, and impact emotional and social development.

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Psychological control -

Psychological control includes manipulation tactics, such as instilling guilt or shame, and invalidating feelings.

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Overparenting - This refers to high levels of warmth, support, and control, which creates low levels of autonomy due to parental overinvolvement.

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Effects of controlling parents on children -

Children may feel pressured to conform to parental authority, resulting in emotional insecurity and dependence that can follow them into adulthood. Possible effects include anxiety, low self-esteem, and disobedience.

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Effects of controlling parents on adults -

Even though the adult may be living independently, the effects of having controlling parents can remain. This can result in unhealthy relationships, poor boundaries, and decreased stress tolerance.

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How to deal with controlling parents in adulthood -

Learning how to cope with controlling parents takes time, patience, and consistency. But making healthy changes is possible by setting realistic expectations and employing the following coping strategies.

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Acknowledge and accept the problem -

Accept that you can't make your parents change. However, you can control your reactions, boundaries, and relationship with them.

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Build a support system -

Connecting with others who have experienced similar issues can provide comfort and alleviate feelings of loneliness.

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Establish boundaries -

Setting boundaries is healthy, and doing so offers an opportunity to reinforce that you won't tolerate certain behaviors.

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Choose your battles -

Confronting and defending every offense can be exhausting. As a form of self-preservation, understand when to address issues and when to let them slide.

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Create space to process your emotions -

This might include taking a walk, limiting visits or phone calls, or moving into your own place.

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Improve your emotional wellness -

This can provide empowerment and reassurance that you're making healthy choices. Plus, it can help you discover your true self.

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Utilize healthy communication skills -

Using "I" statements diffuses attacking and blaming others. Also, set boundaries about communication, such as no yelling, name-calling, or bringing up past events.

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Limit disclosures -

You don't have to share every detail of your life with your parents. Limiting what you disclose will provide the desired level of privacy while maintaining a relationship.

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Know your limits -

Giving yourself permission to leave or step away helps reinforce that your feelings and self-worth are important.

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When to seek professional help -

If you're struggling to cope or deal with controlling parents, therapy provides a safe space to gain the knowledge and insight needed.

Sources: (MindBodyGreen) (ChoosingTherapy.com) 

See also: Which type of therapy is right for you?

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