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Schmidt is likely the only human to ever say these words - "D**n it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere."

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Winston's acute observations -

Nick announced that they were going to Best Buy for Black Friday, and Winston added, "Or as I like to call it, Friday."

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When Schmidt delivered the hard truth -

"Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons. I'm not interested in simmering in testicle tea for 20 minutes." Gross, but also hilarious and true.

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When Jess tried to negotiate a deal - Jess was dealing with a pawn shop owner and said, "$550 for the TV? Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go." She slid a piece of paper over and he replied, "You drew a smiley face."

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Schmidt's thoughts on aging -

"Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They're like the people version of pleated pants."

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Jess' big night - After Nick tells Jess he thought he heard a couple of bums fighting outside and Jess confirms it was just her having the best sex of her life, she says, "I left my body, went up to heaven, saw my grandparents, thought it was weird that I saw my grandparents, came back down. I became a werewolf, I scared some teenagers. I came back into my body. Only thing is, he thinks my name is Katie and that I'm a dancer and/or something involving puppets."

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When Schmidt described his sex life - "I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience."

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An intense moment of honesty - Nick and Jess have had so many moments of honesty along the way, but this one was best: 

Jess: "I've been banned for my lifetime from Lake Ontario, don't ask."
Nick: "I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words." 
Jess: "The doctors say I might grow another 18 inches."
Nick: "I'm definitely sexually attracted to ladybugs."
Jess: "I kind of want to get a gun."
Nick: "I believe horses are from outer space."

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Schmidt is the only person who could say this casually - "Can someone please get my towel? It's in my room next to my Irish walking cape."

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When Winston got biblical -

The guys got lost in the desert and he told Nick, "I'm worried about Schmidt. He's a Jew in the desert. I don't want him to wander."

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Schmidt was funny even at his lowest - "I'm a mess, I can't sleep, I urinate constantly. I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal." Everyone's been there, right?

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Winston's reality continuously worries everyone -

Winston: "'Eye of the Tiger' ended the cold war." 
Jess: "That's not even a little bit true."

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When Schmidt answered the question on everyone's mind - "I know what you're thinking and the answer is yes, I have been able to reach completion with some very precise and vigorous nipple play."

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Schmidt's take on the most wonderful time of the year - "I don't celebrate Christmas, okay? Or as I like to call it, White Anglo Saxon Winter Privilege Night."

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When Winston nailed his job interview - "I know Word. And I can open a document. Save it. Save AS. Print. Print PREVIEW." He's not alone!

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When Jess was very relatable -

When she started seeing Nick, she confessed, "My boyfriend doesn't believe in banks. It's early in the relationship. I'm still shaving above the knee. Know what I mean?"

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Schmidt's list of very valid concerns -

"There are plenty of things to be down about: the deficit, air pollution in China, 'The Hobbit' wasn't very good."

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When Jess first started to fall for Nick - Jess: "Nick calls birds 'wind-mice.' Nick says 'yahtzee' when he climaxes. He calls turtles 'shell-beavers.'"
Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called." 

He's not wrong...

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When Schmidt confronted Nick - "Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots." Friendship thrives on honesty.

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Nick and Schmidt made the best team - Nick took a sip of his drink and said, "I don't get it. Is this bath water?"

Schmidt replied, "Might as well be; it's rosé."

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When they reminded us that having friends is important -

Schmidt said to Winston and Nick, "I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?" 

Winston, the occasional voice of reason, replied, "Is that the way you wanted to say that?"

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When Jess was upset, but still Jess - She walked up to the bar and said, "I'll take the strongest drink you have, and also a wine spritzer on the side in case I don't like it."

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Schmidt's accurate evaluation of the world -

"The economy stinks, bees are dying, and movies are pretty much all sequels now."

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Everyone has their special talents, some more than others - Schmidt boasted, "I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers."

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Schmidt's skewed (or non-existent) idea of what is weird -

"Cece's mom is really excited that her sexy little bronco has finally found a cowboy that can tame her. I'm paraphrasing." That's a very loose paraphrase, hopefully.

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When Schmidt found out Cece was pregnant - It was such a genuinely beautiful moment, and Schmidt put the cherry on top: "We made a caramel miracle."

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When Schmidt let us peek into his past -

He told Winston, "I had figure skating lessons since I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy."

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Jess' idea of single old ladies - "I'm gonna end up alone. I'm gonna be a single old lady, flashing people on the subway." Because what else could happen?

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Young Schmidt's concerns about having sex -

"If I pee while it's happening, will she die?" At least he asked.

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Cece is the only one who could handle Schmidt -

She told him, "I got your text. When you're going through a 'Taylor Swift-like range of emotions,' I should come over, right?"

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When Jess defended her personality -

Speaking to Nick's lawyer girlfriend, Jess admits, "I brake for birds. I rock a lot of polka dots. I have touched glitter in the last 24 hours! And that doesn't mean I'm not smart and tough and strong." 

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Schmidt's moment of self-reflection -

"Sometimes I think I'm just a riddle that I can't even solve." Thank goodness we're not the only ones who can't figure Schmidt out.

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When Winston gave it to Nick straight -

Nick is known to dwell in the margins of society, so when he couldn't get a cell phone his friend broke the news in a very gentle way: "You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost." 

See also: The rise and triumph of cringe comedy

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