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The term "low-maintenance" -

When people use the term "low-maintenance" to describe another person, most often their partner, they generally mean it as a compliment.

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Low-maintenance objects -

Indeed, when we think of low-maintenance things that are not people, such as a garden or a haircut, it is difficult to argue that it's not a good thing.

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Low-maintenance people -

In the context of human beings, however, the picture is a little more complicated. On the one hand, we tend to think of being high-maintenance as a negative thing.

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High-maintenance behaviors -

Indeed, the term "high-maintenance" evokes images of someone who steals the spotlight, thrives on conflict, and loves to make absolutely everything about them.

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Low-maintenance behaviors -

Conversely, someone who is low-maintenance tends to be happy for others to take the lead. They are often seen as agreeable and easy-going.

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Digging deeper -

But as much as being low-maintenance can seem to be a positive thing on the surface, dig a little deeper into the reasons for it and this behavior is quite troubling.

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Being low-maintenance vs. living simply -

In reality, being low-maintenance is not the same as living simply. Rather, it is about requiring too little, both from ourselves and from others.

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Common characteristics -

Let's look at some common characteristics of low-maintenance people. First up is reluctance to complain or demand attention from others.

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Going with the flow -

People who are described as low-maintenance tend to go with the flow. This can mean they end up with more than their fair share of responsibility, either at home or at work.

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Inability to express themselves -

Another common trait of low-maintenance people is their reluctance, or even inability, to express their own opinions, preferences, and concerns.

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Inability to express themselves -

This is particularly true in the context of a conflict: low-maintenance people will almost always hold their tongue in an argument, even if they have a strong opinion.

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People pleasers -

Finally, people described as low-maintenance are often called "people pleasers" by others. That is, they bend over backwards to make other people happy.

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People pleasers -

And it's true: a key characteristic of a low-maintenance person is that they want others to be happy, even if it is at the expense of their own well-being.

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Why it happens -

If this all sounds like you, you might be wondering where these behaviors came from. For many people, these self-deprioritizing habits began in childhood.

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Children of addicts -

There are many reasons that a child may learn to suppress their desires, emotions, and opinions. One of the more extreme cases is the children of addicts.

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Early responsibility -

The children of adults with substance abuse problems often learn to be responsible from a very young age, and they may learn to suppress their own needs in the process.

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Neglected children -

Similarly, children who are neglected by their parents may come to believe that they are unimportant and that their needs will not be met, even if expressed.

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Less extreme reasons -

However, there are also less extreme scenarios and experiences that we can go through in childhood that can give rise to low-maintenance adults.

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"'Get over it" -

One example is when parents frequently minimize their children's emotions, telling them to be tough or to "get over it."

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"No big deal" -

The scenario may even be less extreme than that. A child who repeatedly hears from their parents that what they are feeling is "no big deal" may feel misunderstood and learn to stifle their emotions.

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Difficulty making friends -

Another situation that can give rise to low-maintenance behaviors is when a child finds it difficult to make friends, either at school or otherwise.

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Difficulty making friends -

If a child does not make friends easily, they may adopt low-maintenance behaviors to show others that they don't require much in return for their friendship.

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Siblings of disabled children -

Finally, children with a disabled sibling may make a conscious effort to be low-maintenance, so as to ease the burden on their parents or caregivers.

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Siblings of disabled children -

So-called "glass children" tend to learn early on that their siblings' needs are greater than theirs, and they carry this lesson with them into adulthood.

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Serious problem -

In some cases, being low-maintenance can be a serious problem, since it means you are unable to accurately identify and describe your own emotions.

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What to do about it -

This can set you up for a lifetime of unmet needs and challenging relationships. So, is there anything you can do about it?

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Do some self-reflection -

If you feel that you may be a low-maintenance person and you're suffering for it, do some soul-searching and try to understand where your behavior comes from.

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Fear -

In most cases, it stems from a fear of being rejected if we make demands of others, or being abandoned if we challenge our friends and family.

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Finding the confidence -

In order to break free from your low-maintenance facade, you'll have to dig deep and find the confidence to express exactly what you want and need.

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You are worthy -

Remind yourself that you are just as worthy as anyone else of having a healthy and happy life, complete with relationships that allow you to thrive.

Sources: (YourTango) (KindCompassCoach)

See also: The sad reasons why some good relationships don't last

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