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Introducing the Penny Method -

Sometimes referred to as penny dating or the piggy bank method, the penny method is a dating behavior where one partner gradually reduces the time and effort they put into a relationship.

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Early on -

Someone who engages in penny dating will usually invest a lot of time and effort into the relationship at the beginning, only to reduce their investment as time goes on.

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Gradually reducing effort -

This could mean that they gradually start to reach out less, they stop taking initiative with plans, or they entirely withhold physical or emotional connection.

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Ultimate aim - The end goal with penny dating is to sustain a relationship with the bare minimum effort. Unsurprisingly, it can be very harmful to relationships and individuals.

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Signs of penny dating -

If you feel that you or someone you know may be a victim of penny dating, there are certain telltale signs to look out for.

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Love bombing - The first sign is love bombing. Another recently recognized phenomenon in dating, love bombing is when one partner comes on unreasonably strong at the beginning of a relationship.

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Love bombing -

They may indulge in grand gestures, such as giving very expensive gifts and making intense declarations such as "we’re meant to be together," early on in the relationship.

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Love bombing -

If it seems that someone is coming on too strong during the early stages of a relationship, it is often an indication that they are not genuine.

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Reducing effort -

The next sign to look out for is reducing effort. If your partner is putting noticeably less effort into the relationship than they used to, they may be trying to penny date you.

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Reducing effort -

You might get the creeping sense that you are now the only one reaching out to your partner to make plans, or you might feel that they are increasingly emotionally distant.

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Reducing effort -

Being on the end of this reduced effort can be very troublesome, particularly if there is no communication and you are left feeling confused as to why things have changed.

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Rollercoaster behavior -

If you are the victim of penny dating, being in your relationship can feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster. Things could be going well, and then all of a sudden your partner disappears.

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Rollercoaster behavior -

Sometimes they may be gone for days or even weeks, and when they do eventually reach out they may offer you an excuse as to why they were absent.

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Rollercoaster behavior -

More often than not, however, the excuse is made up. They are just testing you to see how much you will put up with.

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Reasons people engage in penny dating -

There are several reasons that someone may engage in penny dating. On the one hand, there are people who like the thrill of the chase but ultimately get bored when the other person shows interest.

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To keep options open -

There are also people who use the technique in order to keep a range of potential partners available to them.

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To keep options open -

People who use penny dating may be able to sustain a number of relationships at any one time, making the behavior a useful tactic to always have someone ‘on the backburner.’

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As self-protection -

More often than not, however, penny dating is used as a form of self-protection by people who themselves have an unhealthy attachment style.

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As self-protection -

People who penny date are often scared of being hurt or rejected, so they test their partner to see how far they will go to keep the relationship going.

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Irony -

The irony is, of course, that this behavior is likely to cause exactly the thing they are trying to avoid: their partner getting fed up and deciding to leave.

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Consequences - It will come as no great surprise to hear that this behavior is considered incredibly toxic. It can have serious consequences for both the relationship and the victim’s self-worth.

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Confusion - On the one hand, the constant mixed signals and changing behavior patterns in penny dating can make it very difficult for the victim to get a clear idea of who their partner actually is.

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Insecurity - This can create an underlying sense of insecurity in the relationship and leave the victim unsure as to how best to move forward.

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False sense of control - On the other hand, penny dating can be very harmful to the perpetrator, since it can foster a false sense of control.

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Making things more difficult - While someone who pulls away may feel like they are taking control in a relationship, in fact what they are doing is making it more difficult to establish any sort of real connection.

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Waste of time - And then, of course, there is the fact it’s a huge waste of time. People in penny dating scenarios would be much better off pursuing an honest and meaningful relationship.

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How to move forward - If you find yourself in a penny dating situation, either as the perpetrator or the victim, it is time to take a step back and examine the facts.

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Do some self-reflection -

Ask yourself why you engage in this sort of behavior or allow it to happen. Try to work out the root of your fears and decide what steps you can take to better yourself.

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Have a conversation -

Remember, strong relationships are built on trust and open communication, so it is much better to have an honest conversation with your partner than to engage in penny dating.

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Ending a relationship -

And if you are no longer interested in pursuing a relationship, be upfront about the fact you need to cut ties and do not string the other person along. 

Sources: (Verywell Mind) (Psychology Today)

See also: 30 toxic traits that sabotage relationships

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