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Happily never after -

Breaking up is hard to do. It's even harder when you've found someone wonderful, but no matter how hard you try, it just doesn't seem to be working.

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Happily never after -

It's sad, but when you can't seem to make a good thing work, there are usually some very common reasons. Let's take a look at the main reasons why you can't find happily ever after, even with a good relationship.

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Poor communication -

It doesn't matter how strong your feelings are, or how committed you feel. If your communication with your partner is lacking, it spells trouble.

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Poor communication -

Without good communication, both people are living under an illusion of their own making. This, in turn, leads to disagreements and misunderstandings.

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Poor communication -

If you're not being authentic in your communication, don't expect to be surprised when your partner mistakes your intentions and arguments follow.

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Not taking responsibility -

By a certain point in adulthood, we should have learned that our actions are responsible for a sizeable chunk of the reality we're living.

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Not taking responsibility -

The energy and mindset you approach your life with will dictate many of its features and will be reflected in the health of your relationships with friends, family, and your partner.

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Not taking responsibility -

Blame and criticism push the burden of responsibility back onto one person, which isn't fair. One or both parties not taking responsibility will end an otherwise good relationship.

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Expectations -

Sometimes we have unspoken, or even unconscious expectations of others in our life. We might expect them to fill a void within us.

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Expectations -

If you're expecting your partner to magically give you a supply of something you're not able to give yourself, the relationship might be doomed, no matter how good it is.

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Expectations -

Taking care of our own needs and continuing to work on ourselves while living in partnership with another isn't always easy, but it's necessary for a healthy relationship.

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Lousy role models in childhood -

Perhaps when growing up, you didn't have the best example of a healthy relationship. Now, you might find yourself repeating what you saw.

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Lousy role models in childhood -

Sometimes, and very often, this isn't conscious. Having lousy role models in childhood might not have been a choice, but how you choose to act now is.

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Lousy role models in childhood -

If we continue to repeat the cycle of poor communication we witnessed as children, it can have a detrimental effect on our adult relationships.

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Bringing the past into the present -

Over the years, we might have built up negative experiences in relationships. By the time we're in a good situation, we might harbor so much about the past that we bring it into the present.

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Bringing the past into the present -

Lack of trust, being suspicious of other's motives, finding it difficult to move on from small hurts, treating arguments as the end of the world—these are some things we might carry from past negative experiences.

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Bringing the past into the present -

It can mean punishing the good relationship in front of you because you begin to re-live the hurts of the past with the smallest trigger. 

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Low effort -

Relationships require an investment of time and energy. It's easy to take someone for granted when you get on well, but this can pollute the relationship quickly.

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Low effort -

Without putting in an effort, even the best relationship can reach a point of no return. Relationships create an obligation to show up and be our best selves.

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Low effort -

If we're running low on energy or time, it's our responsibility to take care of ourselves so we can show up fully for the people in our lives. Making an effort demonstrates that we care, and we value the relationship.

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Inner conflict -

Sometimes, we've got a war going on within ourselves. Unconsciously, we might externalize this onto the people around us.

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Inner conflict -

Projecting our conflicts onto the people around us can leave them feeling abused as they don't understand why they're on the receiving end of accusations.

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Inner conflict -

What's actually happening is the different parts of ourselves are in conflict with each other and finding an outlet through the people closest to us. Inner conflicts, if not made conscious, can make your closest relationships turn toxic fast.

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Seeing disharmony as normal -

Depending on how we grew up, we might see disharmony as normal, even within the bounds of a "good" relationship. This can lead to unnecessary conflict.

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Seeing disharmony as normal -

This negative subconscious belief can lead to seeking out conflict in order to feel safe or normal without being conscious that this is the reason.

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Seeing disharmony as normal -

If you see disharmony as normal, you might torpedo a good relationship without realizing that's what you're doing. It takes work to bring this pattern into conscious awareness and to reprogram your mind to approach relationships differently.

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Fear of other's perception -

When we are afraid of how others perceive us (and by extension, our partner), we might try to control our partner's behavior in order to feel safe. 

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Fear -

By trying to make our partner conform to an idea of "acceptable" based on other people's perceptions, we might push them away altogether.

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Fear -

Trying to pressure someone to change because their behavior isn't morally wrong, but something others or society might not approve of tells them that you don't accept them. Sadly, you might push away an otherwise healthy relationship.
Sources: (YourTango)

See also: Relationship tips for couples over 40

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