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They have no boundaries -

Toxic in-laws often have no boundaries and will find a way to invite themselves over any time of day or night, call at any hour, or ignore any plans you've made. 

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They talk about you -

Toxic in-laws may talk about you behind your back and gossip about your life with other members of the family or their friends. They might even be saying things that aren't true.

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Nothing makes them happy -

If your toxic in-laws dislike you, it's unlikely you'll be able to change their opinion or be able to make them happy. 

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They try to control your relationship -

Toxic in-laws may try to control every aspect of your relationship with your significant other. For example, they may tell you what you should do, where you should live, or how you should dress. 

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They blame you for everything -

If you mess something up, or they think you do, toxic in-laws will blame you. They may even fault you for things that have nothing to do with you. 

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They're unkind to you -

Your in-laws may pretend to like you when you're in public, but when you're alone with them, they might be unkind or say mean things. 

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They give unsolicited advice -

If your in-law gives you unsolicited advice, they likely think they have all the answers and don't respect your decisions or choices.

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They give you the silent treatment -

Not responding to texts and calls or ignoring you in person is a toxic in-law's way of telling you they aren't happy with you.

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They make decisions about your life -

Toxic in-laws find it difficult to relinquish control, so they'll try to make decisions that affect your life. For example, they may book vacations they expect you to go on. 

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They pretend to love you -

Maybe they say they love you but make no effort to spend time with you or get to know you. There's a good chance they do this not to upset your partner. 

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They disapprove of you -

Sometimes, in-laws will disapprove of you and the relationship you have with their child. This may be because they had already decided how their offspring were going to live their life, and they feel that you have ruined it. 

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They show competitiveness -

Toxic in-laws will compete with you for your partner's attention or love. They might try to outdo you or make you feel like you're always in a race with them.

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They interfere financially -

Toxic in-laws might push you to spend in ways you don't want or demand to know about your finances, which can feel invasive.

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They emotionally blackmail you -

They might guilt-trip you or your partner to do what they want. It often feels like they're playing with your emotions.

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They sabotage special moments -

Whether it's a romantic dinner or a family celebration, they purposely do things to ruin it.

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They have a history of conflict -

Toxicity doesn't just happen out of nowhere. It's often a pattern, which means that you're probably not the first person to experience their negativity. One tell-tale sign is if they constantly present you with stories of arguments and estrangements, stories in which they're either the victim or the strong and brave person. 

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They gaslight you -

Toxic people tend to be great at gaslighting, trying to make you responsible for the effects of their bad behavior. For example, if you confront them about being overly critical, they may blame you for being overly sensitive.

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They undermine you in front of your children -

A solid sign of a toxic in-law, they may try to turn your children against you or cut you out of the picture.

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They're super critical -

Just as toxic people are negative about pretty much everything, they're also likely to be the same about you. They seem to take pleasure in criticizing almost everything in your life, from your decor to your clothes and the way you're raising your children.

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How to deal with toxic in-laws -

Whether your in-laws check all the boxes for toxicity or only a few, the most important thing to remember is that while you may not be able to control their behavior, you can control how you react to it. Click on for how to deal with toxic in-laws.

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Set firm boundaries with consequences -

Be clear about what you will and won't tolerate. Make sure you also communicate what the consequences are if they overstep these boundaries. For example, they have to call before stopping by. That way, you can let them know that you won't be able to let them in if they drop by unannounced.

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Be on the same page as your partner -

It's important to be a united team when dealing with toxic in-laws. If they know you and your partner are on the same page, then they won't be able to come between you. 

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Don't get sucked into no-win arguments -

Remember, it's okay to walk away from the confrontation and conversations that are no longer productive. Arguments can escalate tension and reinforce toxic dynamics, which you want to avoid. 

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Consider seeking professional support -

If your in-law's behavior is affecting your mental health, your relationship, or your family life, consider finding a therapist who specializes in problematic family dynamics.

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Don't go down on their level -

A toxic in-law may say things in order to get a response that justifies their behavior. Remember, their toxic behavior is about them, not about you, so don't fall for this. 

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Lead with empathy -

Take the high road by giving your in-laws empathy, attention, and respect. Sometimes, find something you appreciate about them and regularly say so. This tactic can actually be super disarming.

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Talk to them -

After you have talked with your significant other, sit down with your in-law and calmly express your feelings. Make sure to use "I feel" statements rather than starting with the more accusatory "you."

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Minimize exposure -

If the talking didn't bring about a significant change to the dynamics, it's best to reduce contact with your in-law. If your partner wants to hang out with their parents, let them and take your time for some self-care. 

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Don't internalize their negativity -

Whatever you do, don't take their negative comments personally or let them affect your self-esteem. Their opinions don't define your value.

Sources: (Marriage) (PureWow) (Best Life Online) (Bustle) 

See also: Toxicity unmasked: 30 toxic traits that sabotage relationships 

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