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What is it? -

Eldest daughter syndrome refers to patterns of emotions and behavior that are commonly attributed to people who grew up as the oldest daughter in their family.

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What is it? -

Although the term isn't an officially recognized syndrome in the psychological sense, it's gained more visibility online (particularly on social media) as a set of common challenges and experiences faced by women who are the eldest child.

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Expectations -

The cultural and gender expectations placed on girls means they face harsher judgment and criticism than their male counterparts. Sons may face eldest child pressure, but not in exactly the same way as an eldest daughter does.

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Expectations -

The compounding effect on women means they often end up sacrificing their own needs in order to make other people (i.e. their parents) happy.

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Individual experience -

Our individual experience and the challenges posed by it will differ between people. Not everyone experiences being the eldest daughter the same way.

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1. Heightened responsibility -

The oldest daughter often carries the weight of heightened responsibility. This can initially look like being the caretaker to siblings, leading to taking on more responsibilities in other areas of life as she grows older.

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2. Perfectionism -

Oldest daughters might strive for perfection in their achievements, whether professional, academic, etc., or in their behavior.

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3. Parentification -

If parents are overwhelmed or frequently absent, it could lead to her taking on a parenting role to other siblings or being an emotional support to one or both parents.

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4. Lack of emotional expression -

Their desire to meet expectations can make eldest daughters suppress their own needs and emotions, making it difficult for them to express themselves.

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5. Trouble forming an identity -

Identity conflicts can arise for oldest daughters as they try to balance the need for autonomy with the weight of meeting obligations. This can lead to struggles with asserting their identity.

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6. Difficulty setting boundaries -

The pressure to balance personal needs with the expectations of parents, siblings, or extended family members can make it difficult for oldest daughters to set and uphold boundaries with others.

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7. Pressure to succeed -

The expectations eldest daughters grow up with can impart a sense of pressure to succeed, whether in their personal or professional lives or in academics.

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Mental health impact: anxiety -

Eldest daughter syndrome can manifest as a number of mental health impacts; primarily, a strong sense of anxiety from being under constant pressure to meet certain standards.

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Low self-esteem -

The fear of disappointing others, and the need to be perfect at all times, can erode the self-esteem and self-worth of eldest daughters.

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Problems in relationships -

As they may not have experienced balance in their primary relationships, they might struggle to form healthy romantic relationships.

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Strengths: leadership -

It's not all negative, though! There are certain valuable skills eldest daughters might learn to embody that can help them through life, such as being natural leaders.

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Independence -

Perhaps they had to learn how to take care of themselves from a young age, which can lead to a sense of independence and self-reliance that others might struggle with.

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Caregiving and empathy -

They may have a more natural inclination towards caregiving, as their experiences have made them more empathetic towards others.

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Strategies: set boundaries -

One of the first things eldest daughters can do to manage their self-care is to begin to establish boundaries (however uncomfortable at the beginning).

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Delegation -

Sharing the load by learning how to delegate efficiently will help alleviate pressure, and the sense that you are doing it all without any help.

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Prioritize self-care -

Rejuvenating practices, such as taking a walk, help reinforce a sense of taking time for yourself and putting your needs first.

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Practice stress reduction -

To help promote a sense of calm, stress-relieving activities including yoga, deep breathing, and meditation might be helpful.

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Have a support network -

Having a network of friends who you can talk to and unwind with will help with discovering new perspectives and much-needed emotional support.

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Schedule "me time" -

Designated "me time" in your calendar needs to be non-negotiable. Choose activities that can bring joy and relaxation, so you can feel a sense of self-care.

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Engage in hobbies -

It's therapeutic to engage in activities that allow you to express yourself creatively. Playing an instrument, cooking, gardening, painting—whatever fuels your creative fire will bring you much-needed peace.

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Practice mindfulness -

Make time to reflect on your emotions, feelings, and thoughts, allowing them the space to be seen. Mindfulness helps to build awareness, which will make it easier to assert yourself when your boundaries are being crossed.

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Make time for exercise -

Physical health is essential to feel your best. Having a regular exercise routine and getting at least seven to eight hours of restorative sleep per night will help keep your body feeling in peak condition.

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Implement time management techniques -

Find time management and organization techniques that work for you, to reduce feeling overwhelmed and help with boundary setting.

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Treat yourself with compassion -

Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that you are doing your best, and avoid self-criticism by treating yourself with kindness.

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Seeking help -

If you feel the need for therapeutic intervention, don't be afraid to reach out. Everyone needs help sometimes, and being able to ask for it is a sign of strength.

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Don't let being the eldest daughter define you -

By embracing your strengths and taking care of your own well-being, you can begin to build your resilience. Being the eldest daughter doesn't have to define you.

Sources: (Daily Mail Online) (Parents) (Today) (Sage Therapy Chicago)

See also: The turbulent life of Svetlana Alliluyeva, Stalin's defecting daughter

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