Responses to "how are you" are so much better than "fine" -

The question “How are you?” can be so pure on its own, but over time and extensive use it has become something of a mindless greeting, often met with the equally mindless response, “I’m fine, and you?” Sometimes that response comes from feeling that the other person isn't looking for a real answer, and sometimes it's because people don't want to go around telling just anyone how they really are. But if you're not interested in telling the truth, then instead of blasé interactions you can still subvert people’s expectations and give them a response that they’ll laugh about for days!

Click through to see some of the wittiest, silliest, and cleverest responses to the ubiquitous question that will spice up your dreaded small talk.

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"My psychiatrist says that I shouldn’t discuss it with strangers" -

A little eye twitch goes a long way with this bit!

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"It’s too early to tell" -

Squint your eyes and look suspiciously around as if you’re just waiting for someone to come and ruin your day—this works best around annoying colleagues or at family events.

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"Slowly but surely dying" -

We all are! What’s funnier than a little reminder of our imminent mortality, right? This one is wonderful at parties.

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"Maybe one day you’ll be lucky enough to find out" -

The small question they thought they were asking is now an enormous secret for privileged ears only.

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"My lawyer has stated that I don’t have to answer that question" -

The formality of this response is so hilariously jarring that you’ll leave them stunned before they erupt in laughter.

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"Good question..." -

Think about it for a moment and then even turn and walk away. Leave ‘em guessing.

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"What’s with the third degree? You a cop?" -

Best asked in the accent of an Italian mobster henchman.

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"Can’t complain—I’ve tried, but no one listens" -

You can also say it’s against company policy if you’re talking to a coworker.

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"The doctor said I would live" -

When they predictably shoot you a look of concern, let them know you just had a routine checkup and everything was fine.

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"How do you want me to be?" -

This one works best in a sexy tone, and it’s a great way to break the ice with a joke (or fire things up right away).

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"Great, but I am totally biased" -

This one’s sure to impress the brainier people, because we are, of course, all biased when we ourselves assess how we are.

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"How much are you willing to pay me if I tell you?" -

It’s pretty valuable information and you should be paid accordingly!

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"Word on the street is I’m doing amazing" -

Lean in as if you’re about to tell them some juicy gossip, and after you tell them you’re doing amazing, you can say, “But you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.”

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"Hmm, I had vowed to murder the next person who asked me that question" -

Then add, “But...I like you too much so I'll spare you.”

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"Who sent you?!" -

Look around suspiciously and squint your eyes at them for added effect.

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"It’s a secret" -

It’s childish, sure, but it’s also unexpected enough that it’s certain to get a laugh.

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"I will leave that up to your imagination" -

Give them a wink or some raised eyebrows to really leave them confused.

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"Okay so far, but there’s plenty of time for things to get worse" -

The juxtaposition of cynicism with a big smile on your face will surely get a laugh.

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"I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you" -

This is a fantastic answer for almost any question you don’t want to respond to.

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"Oh my god, you can see me?" -

You have a number of routes you can go here, but the stranger the explanation, the better, i.e. “I died last week and everyone’s been looking right through me…”

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"Amazingly and terrifically dead inside" -

Say it with a big smile on your face and they’ll never see the ending coming.

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"I can’t really complain, but I will still try" -

It’s the honesty around finding enjoyment in complaining that is definitely going to make the person giggle.

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"You go first. Then we can compare" -

Making the usual bland interaction into a kind of game with a hint of competition is a great way to put a refreshing spin on it.

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"Happy, and I know it (clap your hands)" -

This is a playful answer that is also best for people you’re not a fan of, as they will surely have ‘If you’re happy and you know it’ stuck in their heads all day!

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"Much better now that you're here" -

You’ll get more of a nervous giggle than a laugh at this one, but it still counts.

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"Overworked and underpaid" -

The real humor to this is tinged with the stinging truth—one which most people can relate to—but if we can’t collectively laugh about it, then what else do we have?

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"If I were any better, I'd be illegal" -

Because we all know that some of life’s most dazzling pleasures are usually illicit.

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"Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Socioeconomically? Financially?" -

Make them really consider what they’re so casually asking—there’s nothing like taking a simple question way too seriously.

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"Alright, what do you want?" -

This one is best to use with people you are comfortable with, whom you know are asking you as a way to start a conversation to ask for something.

Sources: (PairedLife) (StyleCraze) 

See also: Hilarious pickup lines that will at least get you a laugh

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