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What's an emotional affair? -

People in an emotional affair share a level of emotional intimacy often experienced in romantic relationships, but without getting physically involved.

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How does it develop? -

An emotional affair often starts off innocently and grows over time. Let’s take a look at some of the stages of an emotional affair.

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Innocent friendship -

An emotional affair usually starts as just a simple friendship. This can happen at work, it can be a friend of a friend, a colleague from a class you attend, etc.

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Innocent friendship -

You start chit-chatting, perhaps grabbing a coffee together, and the conversation just flows naturally.

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Friendship -

This person becomes an assumed friend. You start following each other on social media, there’s a few texts here and there, and you suddenly become more present in each other’s lives.

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Infatuation -

Then you start to appreciate how this person can understand you, how you share similar interests, and how the person makes you feel.

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Infatuation -

You still consider this person a friend, but do think about him/her a lot. After all, you seem to get more empathy, validation, and compliments from this person than you get from your partner.

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It becomes a secret -

Your partner knows who this person is. You have talked about him/her, and perhaps they have even met each other. Things start to get a bit tricky when you start to connect with this person without your partner’s knowledge.

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It becomes a secret -

You start texting each other on a regular basis, you meet up, but you don’t mention it to your partner because he/she might not be comfortable with it. Deep down, you know they have a reason not to feel comfortable about it.

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Emotional involvement -

The relationship evolves to a point where you become emotionally dependent on this person. He/she becomes the person you go to with your worries and dreams.

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Emotional involvement -

You develop such an emotional bond with this person that the only thing that is different from a full-blown affair is that you’re not being physically intimate. This is, however, very risky territory, and the line can easily be crossed.

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Why do people have emotional affairs? -

Why would someone in a committed relationship share intimate, personal information with another person? Well, there are a few reasons why people have emotional affairs. Let’s take a look at some.

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There’s an unmet need -

People who have emotional affairs may lack emotional intimacy in their romantic relationships. This “friend” fills the void, and that feels good.

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The person is lonely -

Many of us are surrounded by people, and even have spouses, and, yet, feel lonely. A person who has an emotional affair may just feel isolated and lonely, and this is a form of deep human connection.

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The person’s relationship is on the rocks -

The person’s relationship might be in trouble and they are drawn to someone who makes them feel good.

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Poor boundaries -

The person might not even believe an emotional affair is cheating, because there is no physical intimacy. They might not have clearly defined boundaries of what is okay and what’s not when in a relationship.

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What does emotional cheating look like? -

An emotional affair is essentially emotional cheating. But what does it really look like? Here are a few examples that will help you determine if you're in one of these relationships.

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You talk about things you wouldn’t talk to your partner about -

Think why you’re sharing these things with a “friend” and not with your romantic partner. Perhaps it’s a sign your relationship is not working out on an emotional level.

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You hide the relationship from your partner -

If you are just friends, why hide the relationship from your partner, right? Perhaps your partner can tell how close you are, and that might be uncomfortable for both. You should have no secrets though, so if you’re actively hiding the relationship with this person, then chances are you know it’s inappropriate.

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You actively make changes in your schedule to be with this person -

Perhaps you take your lunch break at a certain time, just so you two can be together, or you start attending a different class because the person goes to that one instead. If you’re making adjustments in your schedule to be with this person, then you want to be with her/him.

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You complain about your partner… -

…and that person listens to you, and offers you emotional support. Are you trying to signal you’ll soon be available?

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You keep telling yourself that you’re “just friends” -

Do you have to keep telling yourself this with every single one of your friends? Do you think a lot about this person? Do you imagine “what if” scenarios with this person?

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You text this person first thing in the morning and last thing at night -

Checking in every day with a “good morning” is usually reserved for intimate relationships. Is he/she the first person you think of when you wake up in the morning?

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You look forward to being with this person -

Perhaps you even get a bit anxious, like you did with your partner on your first dates? Do you feel the same way about other friends?

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He/she is you first port of call -

No matter what happens, you go to this person first. Shouldn't you be doing this with the person you’re in a romantic relationship with?

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You worry about rejection -

You worry when this person doesn’t text or call. After all, you don’t want to lose your “friend.”

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You have secrets with this person -

Do you have secrets with this person? Secrets bond people together, and they are reserved for those we trust and have intimate emotional relationships with.

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There are gifts involved -

Do you grab a coffee, or buy this person something sweet, just to be nice? Do you do this for anyone else in the same social circle?

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You compare this person with your partner -

Do you find yourself comparing this person with your current partner? Do you feel resentful of your partner for not being more like your “friend”?

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Maybe it is cheating, after all -

It can be argued that an emotional affair is a form of cheating. While there is no physical intimacy involved, the emotional investment is clearly there, and one thing can end up leading to another.

Sources: (Live Bold and Bloom) (Verywell Mind) (Healthline)

See also: Expert advice on getting over a breakup

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