© Shutterstock

The ultimate tragedy -

When a parent or a grandparent dies it is in the natural order of things. But the death of a child, whatever their age, is totally at odds with current life-cycle expectations. 

© Shutterstock

A painful experience -

Losing a child is one of the most painful events that an adult can experience. It's the ultimate tragedy and the grief is profound. 

© Shutterstock

A loss like no other -

Indeed, child loss is like no other. For most bereaved parents life will seem very unfair: parents should not have to outlive their children.

© Shutterstock

Distressing event -

Making sense of such a distressing event presents a huge hurdle to parents and family. 

© Shutterstock

Challenging and complicated process -

Bereaved parents carry this grief with them throughout their lives. Coping with such trauma is a challenging and complicated process. 

© Shutterstock

No history, no future -

Unlike someone who passes after enjoying a long and eventful life, a life that ends early has no story to tell. When a child dies it's not only their history, it's their future which is lost. 

© Shutterstock

Denial -

Denial is very often the initial and completely overwhelming emotion experienced by parents in response to the death of their child.

© Shutterstock

Anger -

And besides unimaginable shock, grieving parents suddenly thrust into this void also evidence anger as part of the reaction to the loss of a child. 

© Shutterstock

Intense sorrow -

This anger may be expressed as intense rage or as chronic irritation and frustration. Fueled by intense sorrow, it may be directed at the spouse, at other family members, at the professional staff, at a God, at fate, or even at the deceased child.

© Shutterstock

Lives changed forever -

For bereaved parents the loss of a child cuts so deep, it can be suffocating. In an instant, the life of a mother and father changes forever. Their present roles and functioning are stalled, their own future dreams shattered. 

© Shutterstock

How to deal with grieving the loss of a child -

When a child dies, a huge part of their parents' lives die with them. Reconstructing those lives and finding a purpose to carry on is what all bereaved mothers and fathers need to deal with. 

© Shutterstock

Acting to feel better -

Bereaved parents very often start bargaining with themselves. In other words, they may start to act in a particular way in order to feel better. Priorities may change and if they are religious, views about faith and the afterlife may shift. Along the way, a lot of 'what if' questions will likely present themselves—wishes that include an urge to go back and change things in the hope that the situation could have turned out differently. 

© Shutterstock

Depression -

Dealing with depression is a major consequence of profound grief. Sadness and longing coupled with a crushing sense of guilt often leaves bereaved parents feeling as if life itself no longer has any meaning. 

© Shutterstock

Heartache -

Grieving parents need time to process the heartache and the devastation of their situation. And loss can be experienced differently for each spouse or partner. 

© Shutterstock

Offering support -

Indeed, there's no right or wrong way to grieve and it feels different for everyone. There's no time limit given to the grieving process either.  Understand that the initial pain of loss will be so close to their hearts that any attempt to relieve it will likely be rebuffed by the grieving couple. Anyone attempting to reach out with an offer of respite should not feel offended or aggrieved if their helping hand is rejected. 

© Shutterstock

Physical and mental consequences -

Parents of children and adolescents who die are found to suffer a broad range of difficult mental and physical symptoms. Besides depression, these can include helplessness, loneliness, and abandonment. 

© Shutterstock

Panic and anxiety -

Physical symptoms such as insomnia or loss of appetite as well as confusion, inability to concentrate, and obsessive thinking are commonplace, as is anxiety and panic. 

© Shutterstock

When to reach out -

Grieving parents will need privacy in order to come to terms with their loss. Grief comes in waves and it can feel like nothing will ever be right again. But it's important to be there when they are ready to talk. 

© Shutterstock

How do parents heal from losing a child? -

The loss of a child will have an immeasurable impact on extended family and close friends. But therein lies the means of a support structure vital for when a heartbroken parent begins to accept their loss. 

© Shutterstock

As the pain eases -

Gradually most people find that the pain eases, and it is possible to accept what has happened. When they are ready to open up about the tragedy, be prepared to listen and to accept some very strong and upsetting emotions.  

© Shutterstock

Think before you speak -

Let the bereaved parents speak, and be careful with your words in reply. For example, don't say you know how the bereaved parent feels. Unless you've experienced a similar tragedy, you have no idea! Likewise, never say the child is in a better place. They should still be with their parents. Additionally, never trivialize the parents' story by telling one of your own.

© Shutterstock

Acceptance -

Acceptance is generally seen as the fifth and final stage of grief. For most people, extreme feelings of grief begin to subside after six months of the tragedy. 

© Shutterstock

Saying farewell -

Arranging a child's funeral is probably the most difficult task any parent can face. Religion and culture will guide the nature of the service, but saying farewell to a youngster surrounded by family and friends helps bring  closure.

© Shutterstock

Yearning -

But some parents will never 'get over' the death of a child; they can simply never be replaced. A feeling of yearning for the child who is gone takes over, an emotion that can often last for two years. 

© Shutterstock

Complicated grief -

If symptoms of grief aren't fading away by six months after the loss, it may be a sign of a more serious problem called 'complicated grief.' This is a condition that lasts longer and is more intense than a culture may consider typical. Symptoms include disruption in daily life, an altered sense of identity, and extended periods of anger and loneliness. 

© Shutterstock

Marital disruption -

Compounding complicated grief is the enormous anxiety placed upon some couples, a state of worry that can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder and even marital disruption. 

© Shutterstock

Bereavement counselling -

It's at this stage that grieving parents should consider seeking bereavement counseling.  

© Shutterstock

Moving forward -

Bereavement counseling is support from a professional counselor who is trained and qualified to help with your feelings of grief, thus enabling you to move forward.  

© Shutterstock

Maintaining a relationship with the deceased -

Better perhaps than 'moving on' is the concept of maintaining a continuing bond with a deceased child. While accepting that they are gone, parents can still choose to promote a meaningful relationship with them. For example, a bereaved parent can talk about their departed child with new friends, or those who never got to know them. 

© Shutterstock

A continuing bond -

Alternatively, some parents opt to live a life they know their deceased child would approve of, or set out to achieve milestones they would be proud of. And of course, many bereaved parents have directed their loss and anger in positive ways, by working to change laws, build foundations, raise money, fund scholarships, and promote other charitable causes.  

Sources: (National Library of Medicine) (Medical News Today) (Very Well Family) (Marie Curie) (What's Your Grief) (Care for the Family) (Child Bereavement UK) (Children's Bereavement Center) 

See also: How to develop a healthy conscience in children

© Shutterstock