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Expectations -

We all have expectations in life, and when it comes to relationships it’s no different. An expectation is essentially the belief that something will happen in a certain way.

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Expectations -

Whether consciously or not, most of us tend to set our expectations a bit too high when we enter a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having hopes and desires, but these can sometimes be blown out of proportion when we set our expectations too high.

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Needs vs. wants -

First, it’s important to understand the differences between needs and wants. Needs are non-negotiable elements that are necessary for your relationship to exist (e.g. love, respect, intimacy, etc.).

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Needs vs. wants -

Wants are what we would like to have in our relationship. Things such as having a partner who's romantic, or being with someone who has the same hobbies as we do. These, however, are not generally deal-breakers.

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Expectations encapsulate both needs and wants -

Expectations fall within both of these areas. Some of these relationship expectations are realistic, while others, not quite. Now, let’s take a look at some realistic expectations—things that are absolutely legitimate to expect in your relationship.

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Communication -

Having good communication is key in any relationship. It’s completely realistic to expect honest, open communication between you and your partner.

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Respect -

Mutual respect is non-negotiable and indeed a realistic expectation. You should respect each other as individuals. It’s okay to expect your thoughts, feelings, opinions, choices, personal space, and boundaries to be respected.

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Trust -

You should absolutely trust your partner, and vice versa. Trust is the backbone of any relationship and should not even be questioned.

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Emotional support -

You should have each other’s back, right? Absolutely! Emotional support is very important in a relationship. We all go through ups and downs, including moments when we need someone by our side, and your partner should be a person you can count on in those moments.

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Independence -

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you must lose your identity as an individual. It’s realistic to expect that you will keep doing the hobbies you like, maintain your group of friends, etc.

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Compromise -

When you enter a relationship, you and your partner will inevitably compromise in some areas of your lives. It’s all about managing differences and finding mutual ground, so it’s absolutely realistic to expect both of you to compromise.

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Quality time together -

This is key for a healthy relationship. It’s reasonable to expect spending quality time together, especially as our lives can get really busy with mundane tasks and chores. This can be anything from sitting on the couch watching a movie, to having a meal together, going for a stroll, or enjoying a romantic weekend away.

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Personal growth and support -

We are all individuals, and as such we like to evolve in different areas of our lives. It’s realistic to expect our partner to support us on our journey. Your partner should be the first person to support your dreams, ambitions, and goals.

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Sharing responsibilities -

You should be happy that responsibilities are fairly shared between the two of you. These include making decisions, paying bills, taking on household chores, and other duties. The split doesn’t have to be 50/50 (and it usually isn’t), but neither of you should feel like you are carrying the extra load.

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Appreciation -

Feeling appreciated by our partner is a basic need that goes hand in hand with respect. You should feel like who and what you are is appreciated by your loved one. It goes without saying that it should be reciprocal.

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Flexibility and adaptability -

In a relationship, there will be times where we need to be flexible and adapt to circumstances. There will undoubtedly be challenging and unexpected situations, so expecting your partner to be flexible and adaptable is realistic.

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Unrealistic expectations -

Now that we’ve covered some of the expectations that are absolutely fine to have, let’s take a look at those that are unrealistic.

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Complete agreement -

Expecting your partner to always agree with you is not realistic. If this happens, the person is likely either being manipulated or manipulating you. Either way, this is not normal, nor desirable. Everyone has different thoughts and perspectives, so your partner might just have a different opinion, and that is fine.

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Expecting to "be completed" by your partner -

Blame rom-coms for this one if you want, but there is no way your partner will “complete you.”
You are a whole person, and expecting your loved one to fill some sort of emotional, psychological, or spiritual gap is unrealistic.

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Expecting your partner to change -

This is one of the most common unrealistic expectations people have about their relationships. Sure, your partner is fine, but... Not to say that change is not possible, or desirable in some circumstances, but hoping your partner will change his/her personality traits, behaviors, or habits to suit your preferences is unrealistic.

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Not having arguments -

Expecting an argument-free relationship is not realistic. We all have disagreements and get upset sometimes. Arguing, especially when done constructively, is natural and even healthy.

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Expecting your partner to read your mind -

It’s unrealistic to expect your partner to know what’s going on inside your head. Unless he/she is a mind reader, there is no way this will happen. Always communicate what you think or feel, and don’t assume your partner will pick up on whatever that is without you overtly expressing it.

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Expecting your partner to make you happy -

Your partner is not responsible for your happiness, and, as such, it’s not realistic to expect it from him/her. It’s normal to feel joy when you’re with your partner, but this won’t happen all the time, and that’s no one’s fault. Being responsible for another person’s happiness is a heavy burden, and certainly one that your partner is not supposed to carry.

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Expecting all your needs be fulfilled -

Sometimes we have needs that simply cannot be met by our partners. For this reason, it’s important to cultivate all areas of your life where these needs may be met, be these social, intellectual, or emotional. Like happiness, placing sole responsibility for meeting all your needs on one person is not realistic.

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Expecting a perfect relationship and partner -

Perfection is an unattainable standard in most cases, and relationships are no different. Expecting your partner to be flawless at all times is unrealistic. We’re all human, and, as such, have our weaknesses and flaws. To expect otherwise is not realistic at all.

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Expecting romance all the time -

You should definitely expect some level of romance in your relationship, just don’t expect it to be constant. Romantic gestures may decrease slightly as the relationship evolves, but this doesn't mean the flame is dying out. In fact, it may even be a sign of a much deeper connection. Romance should still be present in a relationship, but it’s okay that it’s not present all the time.

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Expecting to always be a priority in your partner’s life -

Sure, you are an important part of your partner's life, and vice versa, but sometimes other priorities arise. Sometimes your partner won’t reply to your text while at work, or will not watch that show with you because a childhood friend is visiting town. Expecting your partner to put his/her life on hold and prioritize you at all times is not realistic.

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The problem with unrealistic expectations -

Holding the aforementioned unrealistic expectations can affect your relationship. It will put unnecessary pressure on both you and your partner, which can result in stress and overall dissatisfaction.

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The problem with unrealistic expectations -

These expectations can also make you overlook the good in your partner and lead to a lack of appreciation. Holding unrealistic expectations affects communication and can have an impact on your partner’s self-esteem, who may start questioning his/her worth and place in the relationship.

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The problem with unrealistic expectations -

Unrealistic expectations will inevitably lead to disappointment, and consequently resentment towards your partner.

Sources: (Live Bold and Bloom) (The Pleasant Relationship)

See also: Understanding the different stages of relationships

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