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What is a conscience? -

In modern times, a conscience is an internal awareness of a moral standard, as well as of our individual actions. It’s both a mental process and a “gut feeling” that uses one’s moral philosophy or value system to elicit emotions that help guide your decisions.

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Parents play a big role -

While the nature vs. nurture debate is interesting, it’s undeniable that parents/caregivers play a huge role in helping a child’s conscience develop—or not. The word “conscience” is even derived from the Latin word conscientia, which means “knowledge shared with others.”

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Be the role model -

You cannot teach your child to be different or better than you because the main way young children learn is through imitation, so in order for them to develop a strong conscience, you must first demonstrate one.

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Mind your own words and actions - Children pick up on everything you say and do, so if you do good and speak well, they will do the same. That said, it’s easy to lose track of your own words and actions, and you may very well find yourself stressed, short-tempered, and curt amid your busy life. Practice meditation and mindfulness to remain in control of your actions and emotions.

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Show children empathy -

Empathy can be a difficult skill for kids to learn, and it’s also one of the most crucial missing traits from violent children. Show them what it looks like by treating them with caring, empathetic respect, and kindness—even when they’re throwing tantrums.

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Express your own feelings clearly -

Feelings are an essential part of the guiding tool of conscience, and it’s important for kids to get to know them and what they look like. They can best learn how to manage them by watching you deal with them: if you’re happy, let it show; if you’re tired, let them know. Compare your feelings to situations in which they might have the same feelings.

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Teach them to label their feelings -

Getting into the habit of labeling our emotions is so important because only upon identifying them can we start to manage them. Many adults struggle with their feelings and make decisions that hurt others because of that, simply because they didn’t learn how to label their emotions as children.

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Introduce them to nature -

Teaching children early on about how everything in the world is a connected system will help foster a deep sense of responsibility in taking care of the environment and will help them form their own symbiotic relationship with the world.

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Demonstrate respect even in small ways -

As parents, making sure you never litter, give priority seats to those who need them, and always stop at stop signs are small ways you can teach children to respect and appreciate the environment and community they live in. When you explain why you do these things, they’ll better understand the effects of each person’s decisions on those around them.

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Have respectful arguments -

Kids should learn how to argue from their parents, meaning you shouldn’t hide arguments from them but rather show them how a proper conscience doesn’t end at figuring out what’s right and wrong—it also encapsulates how you go about the confrontation respectfully.

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Expose them to diverse communities -

As the concept of right and wrong is dependent on things like one’s culture, religion, geographic location, and peer group, it’s best to ensure that children are exposed to a variety of communities so that their morals are not narrow but rather inclusive. Parents who teach their children to assist the elderly, for example, will understand that lack of physical ability doesn’t mean someone is less deserving of respect.

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Listen actively -

When a child is expressing their thoughts and feelings, make sure you practice active listening. Not only is it a way for you to see what their thought process is like, but they’ll feel more comfortable to tell you more.

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Don’t disregard “silly” questions -

Children ask a hundred “silly” questions a day, but instead of dismissing them, they can be used as extremely effective teachable moments. You already have their attention because they’re looking for information, and when you give them answers you are solidifying yourself in their minds as someone they can count on to help them navigate the world.

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Spend time with them -

Spending a lot of time with your child that isn’t centered around disciplining them, like in playtime or on family outings will enhance your relationship, build good attachment, and foster a sense of belonging—all of which are essential to creating the foundation from which they can build a strong conscience.

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Set consistent limits -

Make sure the limits you set are firm and consistent, as well as thoroughly explained as to why some things are off-limits. Children have to experience the consequences of their mistakes in order to learn from them and start to take responsibility for their actions. Make sure all adults/caregivers are on the same page with limits so there is no confusion for the children as to what is right or wrong.

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Inform them of what they can do -

Instead of only telling kids what they shouldn’t do, they should also be informed about all the things they can and should do. It’s extremely helpful to have an idea of what is expected of them, and why.

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Praise positive behavior -

Instead of just criticizing and condemning their bad behavior, equal emphasis should be placed on praising and reinforcing their good behavior.

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Be specific with praise -

Avoid generalized praise—like just telling them they’re a “good boy”—and instead get specific with your praise by indicating which behaviors were good and why. Congratulate them on knowing when others need help or going out of their way to help a peer, for example.

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Don’t tolerate aggression -

Any behaviors that infringe on others must be discussed and corrected, but they should be informed early on that violence and abusive behavior is never permissible—not for children, and not for parents. Teach them that there are actions and reactions that will not be tolerated within both the family and the community at large.

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Teach them the golden rule -

As the old saying goes: "Do unto others as you'd have done onto you.” For children, you can start by asking them how they would feel if they were in the other person’s place, and you can teach them as a principle to treat people the way they’d like to be treated.

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Make space for remorse -

It’s always difficult to see a child feeling remorseful about their own actions, and you might want to forgive them quickly and ease their mind, but it’s important to allow and encourage children to feel remorse when they cause another person pain so that they really learn from it.

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Make space for redemption -

Though children learn through consequences, helping them make amends and find redemption can be of equal educational value when it comes to making future decisions, Sara Saeedi, clinical psychologist and professor at Adler University in Chicago, told Psych Central.

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Give them responsibility -

Promote your child's involvement in basic household tasks so that they can start to learn why their conscience is important and how to start relying on it. For example, if the family has a dog, let the child play a role in taking care of it so they can understand that the animal relies on them for the basics of life and there are grave consequences at stake, and so their role must be taken seriously.

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Monitor their media -

If young children are exposed to movies, TV shows, and video games where violence and aggression are used to achieve goals, for example, it will hinder their sense of what is morally right before they’ve gotten a chance to develop a proper conscience that can withstand contradictory messages meant for entertainment.

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Choose media with moral messages -

The original reason behind telling kids stories was not to distract them or keep them quiet while they read or watch the television, but rather to help teach them moral messages through media. Be selective with the books, shows, movies, etc. you let them enjoy.

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Talk productively about others’ actions -

After you watch a movie or read a book together, take some time to discuss the stories to see if the lessons were understood. If you witness some injustice in real life, talk it out together to unearth the root of why it was wrong. Essentially, recognize that learning opportunities are everywhere, and are yours for the taking.

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Give them love -

One of the most critical ways to help a child form a healthy, sturdy conscience is actually through the parents’ ability to ensure that their child’s innate need for love is met. Without that, children will be more focused on doing what they can to fill their own void and less likely to be able to develop empathy.

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Do good deeds as a family -

Get involved regularly with food drives or volunteering opportunities as a family to teach children that doing good deeds should be a natural part of the day, as opposed to something done for credit or on special occasions.

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Practice mindful meditation together -

The process of teaching children how to be good can drive even the most zen of parents crazy, so something to ease the process for everyone is meditation. The benefits are numerous, and doing it together can help everyone manage their emotions and connect back to that gut feeling.

See also: The most helpful beginner tips for meditating

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