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Two types of trust -

Practical trust is the first kind, which heavily involves your actions. It looks like showing up on time, completing your expected tasks, and performing your duties so regularly that people are confident you will do your job or hold up your end of the relationship.

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Two types of trust -

Emotional trust is the second kind, which involves respect, kindness, and honesty. In the workplace, it’s what allows people to feel comfortable to share their ideas and know that their time will be respected, and in personal relationships it’s the same, as it allows honest communication and respect for others’ feelings.

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Lack of trust in the workplace -

If you don’t have trust in the workplace, it can lead to a lack of communication, knowledge hoarding, lack of teamwork, and micro-management. In the workplace, millennials are 22 times more likely to work for a company with a high trust culture.

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Lack of trust in relationships -

In relationships, it can also look like a lack of intimacy, insecurity, negativity and anxiety, difficulty solving conflicts, fear and jealousy, and loneliness. A lack of trust has been cited as one of the primary reasons for divorce.

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Trust is fundamental -

Both employees and romantic partners tend not to stay in the picture for long if they don’t feel safe and respected, and if they don’t feel confident in your dependability. Trust is essential to building healthy, lasting, productive relationships, so here are some of the best ways to foster more trust with the people in your life.

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Tell the truth -

It sounds simple, but most people find it much harder in practice. If you forgot to send an email, don’t lie and say you did. If you ran into an ex at a bar, tell your partner the whole truth so that it doesn’t morph into a problematic omission.

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Admit when you don’t know something -

Admitting your own shortcomings will not only keep you out of trouble in case you guess the wrong answer, but it also provides an opportunity for you to learn and grow.

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Explain your thought process -

Giving orders or passing judgment without explanation signals a lack of trust. Being transparent with your intentions and giving reasons for your actions gives people the necessary grounds to trust you, as they can start to understand why you are the way you are.

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Admit to mistakes, and improve them -

If you think you’re never wrong, you’re wrong. There’s nothing more frustrating than speaking to someone who doesn’t have self-awareness and humility—two things that are essential to trust. If you’re making the same mistake several times, however, just admitting to it won’t help. When a mistake is made, be clear and specific about how you’ll approach things differently in the future.

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Do what you say -

If you say you’ll do something, do it. Canceling plans at the last minute, failing to show up on time, missing deadlines, and the like are surefire ways to indicate that you are not trustworthy, and people will not rely on you to follow through, nor will they take what you say seriously. Think before committing.

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Don’t take advantage of blind spots -

If you’re supposed to do something as part of your role at work, for example, but you try to shirk it off onto someone else or just get away with not doing it, even though you think people won’t notice, they’ll start to look at you like you can’t—or won’t—actually do your job. The same goes for relationships of all kinds. If you were supposed to do the laundry and you wait until someone else does it to throw yours in, for example, it suggests that you aren’t committed to upholding your part of the relationship.

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Be helpful whenever you can -

Trustworthy people tend to go out of their way to help people, not because of some agenda, but because they like to show that they are genuine in their best interests and are committed to whatever it is, be that a friendship or the goals of a company. Authentic kindness builds trust.

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Be the first to extend trust -

If you want people to trust you with their honesty and openness, you’ll have to show that same trust. Putting yourself out there can be scary, but offering high trust is one of the best and fastest ways to start building a healthy relationship. This can also start in small ways, however, such as giving people the benefit of the doubt.

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Be vulnerable -

Sharing your emotions shows that you’re not only willing to be authentic, but also inviting others to share their own emotions—oftentimes the feeling will be mutual, which is doubly beneficial for building trust. Trust means having the courage to open yourself up to the risk of being hurt but feeling confident that you won’t be. It’s the kind of repeated behavior that will steadily increase a bond of trust.

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Ask questions -

Sometimes people aren’t comfortable enough to volunteer their vulnerability. The best thing you can do is simply ask them to share their thoughts and feelings, and they’ll see by your own interest, care, and vulnerability that they can trust you.

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Take a risk together -

Being vulnerable doesn’t have to be revealing parts of yourself, but can also be a mutual endeavor or joint effort toward something rewarding—be it starting a new project or trying to create a healthier habit. Taking yourselves out of your comfort zones or taking on a risk together will fast-track the trust between you.

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Mind your reactions -

If you're caught scoffing at or laughing at the ideas or concerns of a person you’re speaking to, others will naturally assume you might do the same were they to share their own ideas or concerns. It’s about making people feel safe to be honest around you.

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Be consistent with your values -

If you criticize an idea during lunch with a colleague or a friend, for example, and then you’re the first person to agree with the manager or to laugh along with other friends who bring it up later, you’re suggesting that your values are inconsistent as well as dishonest. Decide what you value, and stick to it.

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Don’t suck up all the oxygen in the room -

If you’re doing all the talking, you’re signaling that you don’t care or value what others have to say, nor do you respect their time. Inviting others to speak or just not dominating the conversation will show that you’re open to a two-way dialogue where everyone can feel heard.

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Be an active listener -

You aren’t off the hook with simply asking questions, however. It’s almost worse if you ask questions and don’t listen to or consider the answers. It makes people feel disregarded, and they likely won’t contribute in the future. Active listening involves responding to the answers and perhaps even asking a follow-up question.

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Don’t be so quick to blame others -

When you inevitably fail or make a mistake, fight the urge to blame others or circumstances. People don’t tend to trust people who are quick to blame others (because, who knows, you might be throwing them under the bus behind their back, too).

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Take responsibility -

On the other hand, taking responsibility shows people you are honest and you have integrity and humility. In the workplace, this could look like the leader of a team who failed a task taking responsibility for failing to offer support or explaining clearly instead of blaming the team members for their work ethic or for misunderstanding instructions.

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Big picture instead of micro-managing -

Managers and partners breathing down your neck makes it hard to feel trusted. Instead, the focus should be on measuring output instead of focusing if employees are at their chairs eight hours a day, for example. Likewise, partners shouldn’t have to know exactly where you’ll be the whole night because they should trust they’ll hear about anything significant that happens.

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Over-communicate -

Especially in the age of remote work and text messaging, messages aren’t always as clear as we think they are. Functionally expressing feelings and ideas indicates that this person wants to be completely transparent with their own thoughts and they want you to understand with ease—both of which are essential traits for trust.

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Make space for people’s feelings -

This could look like using a calm, respectful tone without shouting or verbally attacking others. This could also look like allowing another person to express their feelings, no matter what they are, and trying to understand and respect their feelings instead of quickly trying to undermine or invalidate or explain it all away.

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Schedule face time -

Living far away from family, working remotely, or even just having busy schedules between partners means we often don’t have enough face time. But body language is a big part of communication and trust building, with the potential to put people at ease or reveal our true feelings, so it’s important to schedule in regular time where you can actually see each other.

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Find your shared success - When we’re clear about our goals, it’s another form of transparency that indicates trust. But the follow-up to that is helping one another achieve your individual motivations, and even deeper is finding out how you can work together to achieve your goals.

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Be patient -

Trust is not something you can achieve overnight, and even if you make yourself vulnerable long before another person gets to the same level, you must refrain from getting frustrated or else you’ll set the process back. Some people take more time to trust than others. Building trust requires consistency.

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Don’t forget to trust yourself -

Maintaining your boundaries, prioritizing self-care, keeping promises you made to yourself, speaking kindly to yourself, and being mindful of your own emotions are ways to build trust with yourself, which in turn makes you a more trustworthy and dependable person to others.

Sources: (Jostle) (BetterUp) (PositivePsychology) (Verywell Mind) (Psychology Today) 

See also: Top tips for diffusing workplace tension

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