© Shutterstock

"My psychiatrist says that I shouldn’t discuss it with strangers" -

A little eye twitch goes a long way with this bit!

© Shutterstock

"It’s too early to tell" -

Squint your eyes and look suspiciously around as if you’re just waiting for someone to come and ruin your day—this works best around annoying colleagues or at family events.

© Shutterstock

"Slowly but surely dying" -

We all are! What’s funnier than a little reminder of our imminent mortality, right? This one is wonderful at parties.

© Shutterstock

"Maybe one day you’ll be lucky enough to find out" -

The small question they thought they were asking is now an enormous secret for privileged ears only.

© Shutterstock

"My lawyer has stated that I don’t have to answer that question" -

The formality of this response is so hilariously jarring that you’ll leave them stunned before they erupt in laughter.

© Shutterstock

"Good question..." -

Think about it for a moment and then even turn and walk away. Leave ‘em guessing.

© Shutterstock

"What’s with the third degree? You a cop?" -

Best asked in the accent of an Italian mobster henchman.

© Shutterstock

"Can’t complain—I’ve tried, but no one listens" -

You can also say it’s against company policy if you’re talking to a coworker.

© Shutterstock

"The doctor said I would live" -

When they predictably shoot you a look of concern, let them know you just had a routine checkup and everything was fine.

© Shutterstock

"How do you want me to be?" -

This one works best in a sexy tone, and it’s a great way to break the ice with a joke (or fire things up right away).

© Shutterstock

"Great, but I am totally biased" -

This one’s sure to impress the brainier people, because we are, of course, all biased when we ourselves assess how we are.

© Shutterstock

"How much are you willing to pay me if I tell you?" -

It’s pretty valuable information and you should be paid accordingly!

© Shutterstock

"Word on the street is I’m doing amazing" -

Lean in as if you’re about to tell them some juicy gossip, and after you tell them you’re doing amazing, you can say, “But you shouldn’t believe everything you hear.”

© Shutterstock

"Hmm, I had vowed to murder the next person who asked me that question" -

Then add, “But...I like you too much so I'll spare you.”

© Shutterstock

"Who sent you?!" -

Look around suspiciously and squint your eyes at them for added effect.

© Shutterstock

"It’s a secret" -

It’s childish, sure, but it’s also unexpected enough that it’s certain to get a laugh.

© Shutterstock

"I will leave that up to your imagination" -

Give them a wink or some raised eyebrows to really leave them confused.

© Shutterstock

"Okay so far, but there’s plenty of time for things to get worse" -

The juxtaposition of cynicism with a big smile on your face will surely get a laugh.

© Shutterstock

"I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you" -

This is a fantastic answer for almost any question you don’t want to respond to.

© Shutterstock

"Oh my god, you can see me?" -

You have a number of routes you can go here, but the stranger the explanation, the better, i.e. “I died last week and everyone’s been looking right through me…”

© Shutterstock

"Amazingly and terrifically dead inside" -

Say it with a big smile on your face and they’ll never see the ending coming.

© Shutterstock

"I can’t really complain, but I will still try" -

It’s the honesty around finding enjoyment in complaining that is definitely going to make the person giggle.

© Shutterstock

"You go first. Then we can compare" -

Making the usual bland interaction into a kind of game with a hint of competition is a great way to put a refreshing spin on it.

© Shutterstock

"Happy, and I know it (clap your hands)" -

This is a playful answer that is also best for people you’re not a fan of, as they will surely have ‘If you’re happy and you know it’ stuck in their heads all day.

© Shutterstock

"Much better now that you're here" -

You’ll get more of a nervous giggle than a laugh at this one, but it still counts.

© Shutterstock

"Overworked and underpaid" -

The real humor to this is tinged with the stinging truth—one which most people can relate to—but if we can’t collectively laugh about it, then what else do we have?

© Shutterstock

"If I were any better, I'd be illegal" -

Because we all know that some of life’s most dazzling pleasures are usually illicit.

© Shutterstock

"Physically? Mentally? Spiritually? Socioeconomically? Financially?" -

Make them really consider what they’re so casually asking—there’s nothing like taking a simple question way too seriously.

© Shutterstock

"Alright, what do you want?" -

This one is best to use with people you are comfortable with, whom you know are asking you as a way to start a conversation to ask for something.

Sources: (PairedLife) (StyleCraze) 

See also: Hilarious pickup lines that will at least get you a laugh

© Shutterstock