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Never fight in front of your kids -

Keep heated conversations away from your kids. Even if you don't trust each other or don't get along, avoid having those fights in front of the children. Kids will only have a harder time adjusting to the divorce.

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Don't force children to pick sides -

Forcing children to choose sides in a divorce is unfair. Just focus on your relationship with your children, and don't badmouth your ex.

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Don't sugarcoat the situation -

If a parent cancels on plans, it's important that your child has the chance to express their feelings. Make sure to let your child vent without you criticizing or apologizing for the absent parent.

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Make requests instead of demands -

The way you speak and use your tone matters. And charging into parenting discussions with your ex will only make things worse. Try to frame your questions as requests instead of demands.

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Talk to your children about your divorce -

Children will have questions. They also need reassurance that both parents still love them. Make sure they understand the divorce isn't their fault and that they won't be abandoned.

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Aim for peaceful transitions -

Even if you don't argue, kids can still sense tension, which causes anxiety. Therefore, aim for peaceful and cordial transitions. It will make the situation easier for everyone involved.

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Get others involved -

Have other reliable, caring adults in your child's life, too. Devoted family members and friends are role models for your child as well. Plus, their commitment takes pressure off you.

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Be available both physically and emotionally -

It’s not enough to be only physically present. Parents need to be engaged on an emotional level as well. The quality time spent with your children is equally important as the quantity.

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Let your child communicate with your ex -

If your child wants to have a private conversation with your ex, don't deny their request. Not allowing access or private communication is damaging to both parents' relationship with the child and each other.

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Make it clear your child is loved -

Kids will take on the blame when a parent regularly doesn't show up. As a result, self-esteem can drop. Make sure to continually reassure your child that the other parent's lack of commitment has nothing to do with them. And that they're still loved no matter what.

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Provide lots of advance notice for big events involving your children -

If there's a school play or other significant life events happening, let your co-parent know as soon as possible. Also, don't deny access through non-communication. It will only build resentment.

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Stay away from the blame game -

If you blame, criticize, or accuse the other parent when it comes to your children, then you're only going to make matters worse. Be careful with your anger and how you say things.

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Listen to your ex -

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to just listen, even if you're angry. Listening doesn’t signify approval. It shows maturity and flexibility. Listening is key when making co-parenting progress and resolving issues.

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Don't use your kid as a messenger -

Placing your kid in the middle will just add stress to their lives. On top of that, it can also increase the potential for wrong messages being conveyed. As a co-parent, you need to take responsibility, and this is just the opposite.

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Say goodbye with a smile -

When your child goes to be with the other parent, make it clear that you're happy that they're spending time together. Otherwise, you can unconsciously make your child feel guilty about leaving, and this will also make pickup for the other parent more difficult.

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If you need to vent, do it with someone else -

If you need to vent about your ex, don't do it with your kid. You'll probably regret it in the future. Instead, talk with friends, family members, or a therapist.

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Set communication ground rules when it comes to stepparents -

This can be a sensitive subject. But unless otherwise agreed, keep communication only between you and your ex when it comes to your children. Of course, this might relax over time as new routines are established.

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Send the right welcome-home message -

Parents can often feel awkward when their kids come home from an ex's house. They might not know what to say and end up saying nothing. However, this silence unconsciously sends the message that you're either unhappy, disapproving, or uncomfortable with the time spent with the other parent. Instead, be interested and supportive.

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Have an alternate arrangement -

If the other parent often cancels, have a backup plan whenever your child is supposed to see him or her. Having a fun outing diverts the potential letdown.

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Allow kids to express disappointment -

Whether your child is upset about the divorce or something else, don't downplay your child's pain and sadness. Offer your support by letting them understand that their feelings matter.

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Maintain many security anchors -

Divorce is a process, and it's overwhelming for everyone involved, including children. Try to maintain as many security anchors as possible for them. This includes an amicable relationship with your ex, rituals like story time before bedtime, and a safe home environment.

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Respect the other parent’s co-parenting time -

This means it's time for you to step back a bit. Limit the communication to a minimum, other than to coordinate pickups and drop-offs.

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Encourage your child to communicate -

Make sure to encourage kids over 10 to talk to the other parent about their lack of follow-through, if that's the case. Even if it doesn't change anything, your child will feel better and get a sense of empowerment.

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Be willing to alter the visitation schedule -

Overall, consistency is important, but some flexibility can help both parents. Be open to altering the visitation schedule to make it easier for both.

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Don't use profanity or mean comments when talking about the other parent -

Doing so only adds to the ugliness. Plus, you'll sound bitter and mean. Keep it classy by using respectful words. You'll also set an example for your kids.

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Keep co-parenting messages brief and limit the quantity -

Unless there’s an emergency, don't bombard the other parent with emails and texts. Messages should relate to specific subjects about the kids' activities.

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Do your part to communicate, even if the other parent doesn't -

You can't control other people, but you can control how you act and communicate. An uncooperative ex doesn't help, but as long as you do your part to convey critical information, that's all you can do.

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Divorce can be emotionally challenging for kids at any age -

People often think that divorce is especially challenging for children at a younger age, but the truth is it can still be difficult after your children are grown and have even moved out.

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Communicate as if an attorney might also hear or read your comments -

Co-parenting arrangements can be modified even after divorce. Regardless of whether the relationship is difficult, try to communicate amicably, as if officials might use your messages to judge you. You never know what might happen. 

Sources: (Parents) (Survive Divorce) 

See also: Bizarre marriage and divorce laws from around the world 

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