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Plumbing -

As you can probably imagine, the lack of plumbing was the most pressing issue in the royal palaces of old. There was no running water or flush toilets. Instead, chamber pots were scattered around and periodically emptied by the servants. The human waste was then stored in enormous underground chambers, which would eventually have to be emptied.

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Gong farmers -

The unfortunate souls who ended up with this job were called “gong farmers” or “gong scourers.” Their toil was similar to that of mucking out stables, but on a much greater scale. One historical source says that after four weeks at court, these chambers would be filled to head height.

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Liberal bathroom policies -

Unfortunately, many of the courtiers couldn’t even be bothered to find a chamber pot. They would sometimes just drop their britches wherever they had a modicum of privacy, such as a hallway, a staircase, or a fireplace, and do their business right there on the floor!

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A damning review of the Louvre -

A visitor at the magnificent Louvre Palace in Paris in 1675 gave this account of the situation: “on the grand staircases” and “behind the doors and almost everywhere one sees there a mass of excrement, one smells a thousand unbearable stenches caused by calls of nature which everyone goes to do there every day.”

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Henry VIII (1491-1547) -

King Henry VIII had a much larger court than most, which resulted in much more mess, but he was also more concerned with cleanliness than other European royals of the period. Unfortunately, he was fighting an uphill battle.

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The royal court -

Henry VIII and his court consisted of almost a thousand people. That’s a lot of unwashed bodies to hang around in one palace at the same time! Particularly considering the lack of running water and plumbing.

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Palace hopping -

Henry VIII’s primary home was Hampton Court Palace in London, but he and his extensive entourage would move frequently between his 60 lavish properties around the country. These “royal tours” were said to inspire loyalty in his people, but their real function was to escape the filth they had created and give the palace staff time to clean up!

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The aftermath -

Royal functions typically created huge messes, including mounds of human excrement that needed to be removed from the palace, so king and court would move to a fresh palace while their previous location was cleaned. This also gave time for the livestock and farmland to replenish, having been wiped out by royal feasts.

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Unbearable smells -

Historical sources say that a stench would start to grow within a few days of the court's arrival at a new palace. This was due to food being discarded on the floor, animal waste, poor bodily hygiene of the residents, and the growing amounts of human waste that were stored in underground chambers.

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Soot and filth - Rooms and hallways would also become covered in soot and stains from the constant fires that were lit to heat the palace. There were so many people in Henry’s court that it was physically impossible for palace staff to clean effectively until they left. It’s believed that the royal palaces were far dirtier than an average person’s modest cabin at the time.

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Henry the Health Inspector -

Henry VIII reportedly gave the following instructions to his kitchen staff, suggesting that their hygiene was somewhat lacking: they were no longer allowed to work naked or in unspeakably filthy garments as they had done before. They were also to stop sleeping in the kitchen...

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Discarded dishes -

He gave orders for courtiers not to dump dirty dishes in the hallways when they finished eating, but they ignored him. In fact, he sometimes found dishes left on his bed!

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A very expensive napkin -

In addition to defecating on the floor, visitors at the court apparently used the valuable tapestries hanging from the walls to wipe their dirty hands. Henry had to issue a warning that anyone who did so “might be hurted” for their crime.

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Pest protection -

Henry himself would sleep in a bed surrounded by thick animal furs. This was to prevent the palaces’ rampant vermin from making their way to him while he slept.

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Charles II (1630-1685) -

British royals have long been known for their fondness for animals. King Charles II was famous for his beloved spaniels, later known as Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. He would have numerous flea-ridden dogs sleeping in his bedroom every night.

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Dog bed -

A 17th-century historian wrote that this made his bed chambers “very offensive and indeed made the whole Court nasty and stinking.”

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Olfactory distractions -

True cleanliness was out of reach for any royal palace, so the next best option was to mask the stench. Palaces would be filled with scented plants and flowers. Courtiers would douse themselves in perfumes and hold scented sachets to their noses as they moved about.

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Catherine II (1729-1796) -

The famous Russian empress Catherine the Great was originally from Germany. She moved to Russia as a teen to marry Peter III, and was shocked by the filth of the Russian palace compared to her German home (which was still filthy, but much less so by comparison).

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Rags and riches -

She recorded some of the strange things she observed upon her arrival in Russia. “It’s not rare to see coming from an immense courtyard full of mire and filth that belongs to a hovel of rotten wood, a lady covered in jewels and superbly dressed, in a magnificent carriage, pulled by six old nags, and with badly combed valets.” The juxtaposition of luxury and squalor was shocking to the future queen.

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The Palace of Versailles -

The Palace of Versailles today is the epitome of luxury and grandeur. Millions of visitors walk its halls and marvel every year. However, if they visited during the era of Marie Antoinette, they might pass out from the smell!

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Marie Antoinette (1755-1793) -

The French royal court had as much of an issue with cleanliness as anywhere else. Women would hike up their skirts to pee wherever they were standing, and the contents of chamber pots were thrown out of windows without a second thought. In fact, Marie Antoinette herself was once hit by human waste that was thrown from a window while she was walking in the courtyard.

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Palace-wide leaks -

Although there were latrines installed in the palace, they were so overused and underserviced that they often leaked into the bedrooms below. Corroding pipes spread the problem throughout the palace. Historian Tony Spawforth says that the leakage would sometimes “poison everything” in Marie Antoinette's kitchen, and that “not even the rooms of the royal children were safe.”

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Louis XIV (1638-1715) - A couple of generations earlier, King Louis XIV put in place a rule that the halls of Versailles be cleansed of feces and dirt once a week. That seems like quite a low bar to set, but it was evidently considered over-the-top at the time.

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Constant residence -

This 'high standard' of cleanliness may be due to the fact that Louis XIV broke tradition by deciding to house his court permanently in the Palace of Versailles. This meant that there were no periods of respite for the palace to be given a deep clean. There could be as many as 10,000 residents living in Versailles at any given time.

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Health and hygiene -

In Western Europe, the most up-to-date medical advice at the time was to bathe as little as possible. After the many devastating plagues of the Middle Ages, it was believed that cleaning the skin left the pores open to toxins and disease. As such, it was recommended to wash as little as possible.

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The plague - Ironically, the bubonic plague was actually transmitted by fleas that lived on rats, which were all the more common as a result of the terrible hygiene practices of the time.

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Royal habits -

King Henry VIII was one of few royals who preferred to wash frequently despite medical advice. Marie Antoinette is said to have bathed once a month, while Louis XIV is rumored only to have bathed twice in his life.

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James I (1566-1625) -

King James I of England supposedly never bathed at all. Historical accounts say that the rooms he spent most of his time in became infested with lice as a result of his presence.

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Gilded squalor -

It’s impossible to predict just how many royals and noblemen died as a result of the ungodly conditions they were living in. It wasn’t until the 19th century that infrastructure improved and understanding of hygiene and disease finally moved out of the Middle Ages.

Sources: (History) (HistoryExtra)

See also: Ancient remedies and bizarre cures you won't believe existed

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