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Get rid of distractions -

If you want to have a good conversation with someone, it is best to try and avoid distractions. Put your phone on silent, turn off the TV, and give the other person your full attention.

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Get rid of distractions -

This is perhaps more difficult to control, but you should also try to avoid mental distractions, such as daydreaming or fixating on the person’s mannerisms.

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Maintain eye contact -

Try to maintain eye contact with the other person for the majority of the conversation, so they know that you’re concentrating and that they are being heard.

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Maintain eye contact - If you are a particularly shy person, or you otherwise find eye contact difficult, try to focus on the space between the person’s eyebrows or their mouth.

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Lean toward the person -

If you want to show your interest in what another person is saying, it can be a good idea to lean in slightly. Slouching back gives the impression you don’t care.

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Lean toward the person -

It is also best to keep your arms open; crossed arms can seem disinterested, or even hostile. Try to correct your posture every time you notice it slip.

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Smile -

As with anything, a smile goes a long way when it comes to conversations. Try to keep your expression positive, so as to encourage the other person to speak openly.

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Smile - Of course, you’ll need to bear in mind the content of the conversation. If the other person is talking about something upsetting, it is appropriate to mirror the sentiment and not smile.

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Nod - Another way to encourage the speaker is to nod along with what they are saying. This does not mean you have to agree with everything, but it will show you understand.

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Nod - At the same time as encouraging the other person, committing to a positive reaction here and there will help to keep you focused on the conversation.

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Use verbal affirmations -

In addition to nodding, there are things you can say, such as “I understand” or “go on,” to encourage the other person and help keep yourself engaged.

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Use verbal affirmations -

If there is a break in the conversation, don’t be afraid to get it going again with a small, positive phrase. However, be careful not to speak over the person or interrupt them.

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Don't judge -

As tempting as it may be, it is important not to judge the other person for what they are saying. Try to let go of your prejudices and go into the conversation with an open mind.

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Don't judge -

If you find this difficult or the topic is particularly emotive for you, try to picture things from the other person’s point of view. Only once you let go of your prejudice can you listen properly.

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Stop planning -

An easy trap to fall into when you’re having a serious conversation is to keep thinking about what you’re going to say next. This is not conducive to active listening.

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Stop planning -

Instead of thinking about your part of the conversation, try to shut out those thoughts while the other person is talking and wait until they are completely done.

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Don't interrupt -

Perhaps another obvious one, but it’s important not to interrupt. You may be tempted to comment on what the person is saying, but it can come across as rude.

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Don't interrupt -

If the other person pauses to collect their thoughts, let them do so without interjecting. Try not to rush the person and let them get into the smaller details if they want.

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Ask questions -

A great way to listen actively is to ask open-ended questions. These will show that you are engaged with what the person is saying and encourage them to speak more.

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Ask questions -

Examples of open-ended questions might include “What did you mean by that?” or “What are some of the other possibilities?”

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Rephrase -

Another good way to listen actively and check your understanding of what the person has said is to repeat it back to them using your own words.

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Rephrase -

If you haven’t understood correctly, the person will be able to correct you in real time. This is a great way to make sure nothing is lost in translation.

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Show empathy -

It can be difficult to talk about uncomfortable topics, so it is important that you make the other person feel safe and understood. 

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Show empathy -

You don’t necessarily have to agree with everything the person said, but be sure to let them know you heard them. Try a sentence like “I completely understand why that situation made you frustrated.”

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Don't give advice -

More often than not when someone is talking about a difficult situation, they are not looking for advice. Simply offering a sympathetic ear will go a long way.

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Don't give advice -

If you do feel that the person is looking for advice, be sure to first understand their perspective completely, and then ask if they’re looking for a helpful response.

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Stay focused - If you do find it really difficult to listen properly, fear not! There is a simple trick you can try to keep yourself engaged and the other person heard.

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Stay focused -

Try repeating everything the person says (or at least the important points) in your head as they speak. This will help to reinforce what they’re saying and keep you on track.

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Practice -

As with anything, practice makes perfect. Many of us aren’t as good at listening as we might like to think we are, but we can get better.

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Practice -

Next time you find yourself engaged in a conversation, try to put some of these techniques into practice. You may be surprised by how well the conversation goes.

Sources: (WikiHow) (British Heart Foundation)

See also: Simple ways to have a better conversation

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