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They are inconsistent -

Inconsistent behavior is a telltale sign of emotional unavailability. It can be difficult to trust an inconsistent person to do what they say they will, or to turn up when they promise they will.

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They are inconsistent -

Someone who behaves inconsistently might sometimes call you when they say and then other times completely ghost you. They might act like things are going great, but then disappear.

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They don’t open up -

A classic sign to look for is the lack of desire, or even ability, to connect on a deeper level. If your partner always skirts meaningful conversations, they may be emotionally unavailable.

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They don’t open up -

Emotionally unavailable people try to avoid deep conversations at all costs. If your partner struggles with this it’s likely you won’t know much about their past, their family etc.

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They like your unavailability -

Emotionally unavailable people are often attracted to people who are actually unavailable. They are true victims of the “you always want what you can’t have” mentality.

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They like your unavailability -

A bit of game-playing at the beginning of a relationship is normal and nothing to worry about, but if months down the line your partner still seems most interested when you’re not around, watch out.

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They are not over a previous loss -

People who get stuck in a rut over a previous loss are less likely to be emotionally available. It can be difficult for someone to be open in a relationship if they are still dealing with pain and sadness.

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They are not over a previous loss -

The previous loss need not be a bereavement, it could be an ex who left suddenly or getting fired from a dream job. Not working through such losses is likely to result in emotional unavailability.

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They run -

People who struggle with emotional availability are more likely to run from difficult situations. They find it difficult, if not impossible, to deal with conflict and strong emotions.

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They run -

If your partner disappears for a while every time you have an argument, or they have a stream of exes they only stayed with for a few months, they might be emotionally unavailable.

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They don’t introduce you -

Although it’s quite normal in the beginning, watch out for partners who refuse to ever introduce you to the other people in their life, like their friends, family, colleagues, and so forth.

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They don’t introduce you -

This is a classic trait of an emotionally unavailable partner and it likely stems from their fear or expectation that you will not be around for a long time.

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They have trust issues -

Perhaps an obvious one, but trust issues are a telltale sign. An emotionally unavailable person will always expect the worst of people and their partners are no exception.

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They have trust issues -

If your partner never opens up to you and never trusts you enough to tell you the things that make them vulnerable, they are likely emotionally unavailable.

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They are commitment phobes -

Fear of commitment in relationships is something people tend to joke about, but it can be a serious problem. It is normal for people in relationships to commit to each other.

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They are commitment phobes -

People who are emotionally unavailable will never commit to their partners. They may talk about it in a way that suggests they intend to commit, but they will never actually take the plunge.

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Disjointed relationship history -

We hinted at this one before, but we’ll say it again—people who are emotionally unavailable do not stick around for long-term relationships.

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Disjointed relationship history -

If your partner has never been with an ex longer than 18 months (although this is age-dependent, of course), they may well be emotionally unavailable.

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They are superficial -

Someone who is emotionally unavailable is likely to be superficial in the way that they talk and conduct themselves. They often care too much about looking good in front of others.

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They are superficial -

Emotionally unavailable people tend to keep conversations superficial and worry more about the way that they look than creating meaningful connections with others.

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Top tips -

So there you have some signs to look out for if you suspect your partner may be emotionally unavailable. Now for some tips on how to handle it.

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Recognize the causes -

Firstly it’s important to recognize the causes. Understanding whether the unavailability is temporary or longer term and rooted in trauma can help you to understand and deal with the behavior.

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Pay attention -

Listen closely and work out whether your partner acknowledges their behavior. If they don’t, you may find it helpful to voice your concern, although you shouldn't try to fix the problem for them.

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Focus on you -

If you do decide to confront your partner, try to do so in a way that focuses on your own feelings. Use “I” statements to help your partner understand how their behavior affects you.

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Reflect -

Being with an emotionally unavailable partner is draining and can take its toll on your mental health. Check in with yourself regularly to determine whether the relationship is still right for you.

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Relinquish responsibility -

It is important to realize that your partner’s emotional climate is their own responsibility and you cannot manage it. Taking a step back can yield great results.

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Consider professional help -

There is no shame in seeking out a couples counselor or therapist to help you work through difficult conversations with your partner.

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Provide space -

It is important to provide your partner with space to change their behavior once you have expressed how it makes you feel and what you are looking for in the relationship.

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Check yourself -

It might be worth asking yourself if you are in fact enabling their behavior. It is by no means your fault, but certain behaviors, such as not being clear about boundaries, can be encouraging.

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Check yourself -

It is also worth asking yourself whether you might also be emotionally unavailable. This takes more work than recognizing it in your partner, but can be a helpful exercise.

Sources: (InStyle) (Mind Body Green)

See also: Are you emotionally mature? Here are the signs

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