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Rediscovery -

Gary Lewandowski, a psychology professor at Monmouth University, calls for people who have gone through a rough breakup to rediscover themselves.

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Old interests instead of new endeavors -

In fact, he states (based on evidence) that getting back into dormant interests rather than trying new activities is more effective in reestablishing your individual identity.

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Eliminate the reminders -

One rather straightforward way of avoiding being reminded of the painful lack of that person in your life is to eliminate the reminders.

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Switch up your routine -

It may mean throwing away or selling some of your things, or it might mean changing your routine by going to a different café. The possibilities are endless.

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Blow off some steam -

Jane Reardon, the founder of the app Rx Breakup, says that it may be helpful for some people to blow off steam and let out their anger and rage.

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Physical activities may help -

It can be very cathartic. Activities like rage yoga and kickboxing let off a lot of steam. However, experts advise that it’s best to move past these feelings of rage and anger and make sense of what happened to recover faster.

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Avoid trying to stay in touch -

Although it’s comforting to stay in touch with an ex and to know how they’re doing, it’s a slippery slope, and Lewandowski advises that it normally prolongs the process.

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Consider the new job analogy -

Lewandowski made the analogy that it would be ultimately much more difficult to perform well at a new job when we’re still worried about our old job, and this counts for relationships too.

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Staying in touch is dangerously easy these days -

These days it’s easier than ever to stay in touch with people, which can be a huge obstacle when it comes to overcoming a breakup. It’s never been as tempting to reach out.

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Don't scroll their profile -

One study published in the Journal of Cyberpsychology suggests that people who continue to follow (“stalk”) their exes are more distressed, harbor more negative feelings, feel a greater sense of longing, and stunt their personal growth.

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Social media detox -

Not only does Reardon recommend unfollowing your ex and cutting communication with them on social media, but she also recommends doing a social media detox for 30 days.

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Why do a social media detox -

This decreases the chance of being triggered. For example, seeing a friend of your ex post, or even seeing a photo of a happy couple can send your heartbroken self spiraling into despair.

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Don't ask about them -

"It’s best to lay low and heal. Ask your friends not to tell you stories about the ex," says Reardon. "It’s information you may want but don’t need to hear," she added.

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Feel sad, but not forever -

The less you can hear about the ex and the more that you can concentrate on yourself, the better. There’s time to wallow in it, stuff your face with chocolate, and watch classic romantic films, but that time should have a limit.

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Sign out of their Netflix (and all other acccounts) -

When someone is going through the breakup period where they’re binge-watching Hugh Grant films, it may be well worth signing out of their ex's Netflix account.

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Why signing out is neccesary -

Getting over a breakup is about separating yourself and your thoughts from the other person, which isn’t exactly easy when you’re constantly reminded of them and what episode of ‘Narcos’ they’re on when you settle down for the evening.

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Ditch the cute fluffy gifts -

If there’s ever been a time to get down to some serious redecorating, it’s after a breakup. Get rid of all of the cute gifts that they got you for now, and take down the photographs of the person from your room. Reardon says that it’s best to bag all the memorabilia up and put it out of sight.

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Redecorate -

Take the opportunity to give your bedroom a makeover, and add some new things to it that reflect you and your personality rather than your shared personality with your ex-partner.

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Get inspired -

Reardon adds that it might be a good idea to “fill in the spaces with something fun or inspiring to see.”

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Make a list of red flags -

Another one of Reardon's favorite tips is to make a list of red flags, jotting down everything that wasn’t great about your relationship that you may have chosen to ignore.

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Remember that we usually forget the bad stuff -

Often, we look back at the past and tend to only remember the good times when a relationship is over and tend to forget all the miserable times.

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Negative thoughts may help in the long term -

One study in 2018, which was published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, showed that thinking negative thoughts about your ex may make you feel bad in the short term but helps you get over them faster.

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Keep a journal and keep it close -

Use a journal and always keep it close. Any time you are thinking about all the things you did wrong in a relationship or about how it’s all your fault, pull it out and read it and add more red flags to it.

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Consider the pain an opportunity for growth -

Reardon adds that the best way that someone can view this very difficult time is “as a major opportunity for personal growth and better self-awareness, so you never have to feel this way again."

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Therapy will most likely help -

Therapy is highly recommended by experts if someone is stuck in a particularly sad state for an extended period of time. It’s also particularly helpful if the breakup was messy (like if someone cheated).

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One reason why a therapist might help -

According to Reardon, a therapist will help by looking at patterns in your relationships. Reardon advises that "a crucial bit of information to look at is how the experience with this partner mirrors other relationships, including the one you have or had with a parent.”

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Don't blame yourself or them -

Terri Orbuch, a professor at Oakland University in Michigan and author of ‘Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship,’ says that people should consider the story they tell themselves about why they broke up with their partner and check that it lays as little blame on themselves or the partner as possible.

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Shedding the emotional baggage -

Considering the story in terms of “we” allows people to let go of some emotional baggage. For example, considering that the relationship ended because “we weren’t right for each other” or “we were too young” is healthier.

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Write a letter to your ex (but don't send it) -

Orbuch advises that writing a letter to your ex but not sending it is a great way of dealing with all of the things that are affecting you. Write what you wish you could say. It’s a way of getting closure.

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Your support network is a very big deal -

Orbuch also advises that people should do everything in their power to set up a support network around them after a breakup. 

Sources: (Journal of Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking) (Journal of Experimental Psychology: General) (Women's Health)

See also: How to optimize your breakup

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