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Our relationship with truth -

In a sense, this behavior has to do with our philosophy towards life and our thoughts about our relationship with truth and deceit.

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Some considerations to get you started -

You can start by considering whether it’s okay to lie to other people to get what you want. Are white lies appropriate at times? Do you feel that it’s okay to lie to yourself?

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Truth over all else -

One way of developing a mode of being where you cease to engage in self-deception is to embrace a philosophy that values truth over all else.

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Developing a moral philosophy -

The next question may be how can someone develop such a sense of moral philosophy. The answer to this is generally going to be reading about it, writing about it, and thinking about it.

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Reading -

When it comes to reading about it, you may or may not want to dive into the writings of philosopher Aristotle. But maybe it would suit you better to engage with a more modern narrator who explores morality, like Sam Harris.

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It doesn't have to be dense philosophical literature -

There is a world of literature out there that explores the relationship between good and evil, so you won’t have to look far.

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Write, read, talk, and think -

In the simplest sense when it comes to developing your philosophy, it may benefit you to contemplate, write a lot, speak to your peers, structure your ideas, and write in paragraphs.

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Consider the consequences -

You may want to consider the consequences of your self-deception and how continuing on your course will aid you in your life in the future.

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Where has lying to yourself gotten you in the past? -

Has deception gotten you into trouble in the past? How? Do you believe that you can lie to yourself and others and get away with it? If so, why?

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The most common conclusion -

Once all of these areas are explored, the majority of the time people will begin to see that lying to others and self-deception does little good in their lives, and will want to stop it.

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It's like every other habit -

One way people can start is to attempt to tell the truth and not to lie about little things in their life, which will set a habit. This habit will eventually and naturally begin to be filtered into relationships with themselves.

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Pay attention to what you say -

To do this, people have to pay very close attention to the things that they are saying and notice and attempt to catch themselves before they say things they know to be untrue.

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It's a difficult process, but it works -

This process can be very difficult for people. Trying to pay attention to every little thing you say before you say it to decide whether it’s true or not (and therefore worth saying or not) is hard.

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When you analyze your speech, it makes you more aware -

When you stop saying so many things you know to be untrue, you become more conscious of this kind of deception, so you will also spot when you’re deceiving yourself.

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Capacity of the brain to recognize self-deception gets better -

The capacity of the brain to analyze whether you are deceiving yourself develops with practice, just like most things in life.

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How we lie to others is related to how we lie to ourselves -

When we become better at detecting the more obvious lies, like lying about inconsequential things, we may become better at being able to untangle the lies we tell ourselves.

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The willingly blind -

There is another kind of self-deception, one which is different from pretending to ourselves that something is true. This is the willingness to look away from the truth.

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Ignoring what threatens what we want to believe -

This is to say that self-deception can also come in the form of someone wanting to look away from the truth because it undermines what they want to believe. Maybe the truth is inconvenient.

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Self-deception can be helpful -

With all this said, there are some cases where self-deception can be beneficial. It can make you appear more confident. You can “fake it till you make it.” It can help us be optimistic.

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More commonly, it's not a good idea -

However, in most cases, it leads to unhappiness in career and relationships. It can lead to us not ever being realistic about our true desires. It can lead to us feeling inferior or superior to other people.

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Perceptions -

There are some more steps that we can take to be less self-deceptive and live more authentically. One step is to come to terms with a fault message we might be holding onto about money, relationships, work, or self-worth.

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Fears -

Do we know what we’re afraid of or what’s stopping us from meeting certain truths in our lives head-on?

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The obituary exercise -

If we were to write down our obituary, what would it say? Are these values being lived in our daily lives?

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What it looks like -

We need to stay open to the kinds of ways in which we may be deceiving ourselves. For example, a common form of self-deception is pretending there’s nothing wrong in certain areas of our lives by keeping ourselves so busy that we don’t have to deal with it.

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Workaholics -

For example, someone might tell themselves they need to work extra time and stay in the office until late hours to avoid having to deal with more difficult relationship problems.

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Traveling to escape rather than for the love of it -

Another common form of self-deception may be to say that one needs to travel and see the world. We all like to travel and have vacations, but often people use this as an excuse not to deal with themselves and their truths.

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Denial -

Denial is a very common form of deception. It's often hard to identify because the message almost seems part of the person. One might say “I am not addicted to my phone,” even though they can't go an hour without it and it causes them to lose sleep.

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Rationalization -

Another common form of self-deception is rationalization. Someone might say that if they had more time then they would pursue their passion for writing, when in reality even when the person has time they don’t write because they don’t thoroughly enjoy it but can’t admit it because they see themselves as a writer.

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Projection -

Self-deception can also come in the form of projecting. We might see the world through the lens of our own faulty beliefs, therefore seeing a version that isn't accurate. For example, we may say ​​that we are too ambitious to have a family of our own, instead of admitting that we’re terrified of committing to having a family.

Sources: (Frontiers in Psychology)

See also: Get rid of these habits to be happier

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