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1. They constantly tell you you’re perfect -

This can be exciting and romantic, but in reality it’s never good to be put on a pedestal because you’ll always come crashing down eventually. No one is perfect and it may be a sign that they are projecting an idea of a perfect person onto you rather than truly seeing you. Strong relationships require acceptance of all parts of ourselves, good and bad.

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2. Lacking in life skills -

If you notice they have trouble managing their time, finances, can’t hold down a job, or seem not to plan for their future, it could mean that they’re still growing up. These problems also cause stress and take energy to resolve, so they may not have the time and energy to dedicate themselves to your relationship.

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3. They push your physical boundaries -

It may seem playful and cute if your partner is tickling you, poking you, or basically getting all up in your business all the time. The warning sign is that they don’t stop when you tell them to. It may seem silly, but if they keep pushing physical boundaries beyond your comfort, that could mean that they don’t respect your personal space. This can just be annoying, or it could be a warning sign of something more dangerous.

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4. All their exes are “crazy” -

All their exes are crazy and irrational. Really? Chances are you'll be described the same way in a few months when you refuse to play by their rules.

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5. They’re not nice to their parents -

We don’t all get along with our parents all the time–that’s normal. However, do keep any eye out for people who don’t respect their parents. It’s never attractive to see a grown adult being unnecessarily rude or ungrateful with their folks, and it might suggest that they take them for granted and have a mean streak that you’ll see more of down the line.

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6. They roll their eyes at you a lot -

Eye rolling is a pretty mild way of expressing frustration or disagreement, but it’s not a particularly respectful reaction. If it’s frequent then it becomes even more dismissive. Research even shows that eye rolling is a common indicator of divorce.

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7. They don’t have many friends -

A common red flag is that a new partner doesn’t have many friends. They can try to justify this, and sometimes it might be legitimate if they’re just very happily introverted or moved to a new city. However, it may be a sign that they struggle to maintain strong relationships with others due to some kind of dysfunctional behavior.

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8. They rush into the relationship quickly - These types are sometimes the same ones who try to rush into a full-blown relationship very quickly. They’re often serial daters and rely on their partners to fulfill all of their needs.

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9. They have a different sleep schedule - If they’re a night owl and you’re an early bird, you might run into issues down the line when it becomes tiresome to compromise on your rest.

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10. They exaggerate, omit, or even lie - We’re all guilty of telling the odd white lie or exaggerating a story for comic effect, but if you catch them out on this early on, it’s definitely something to watch out for. When dating someone new, particularly if you don’t have mutual friends, it’s important to be honest and build trust. If they lie about small things in the beginning, it may lead to something worse.

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11. They don’t want to make the relationship public -

Not everyone likes to share their personal lives on social media, but if they’re making excuses to hide your relationship completely from family and friends, that’s a red flag.

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12. They make you feel stupid -

Sometimes we feel stupid around people and we tell ourselves it’s because they’re smarter or more experienced than we are. The truth is that no matter how smart you are, there’s a way to share new information with someone without putting them down.

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13. They get up and leave during an argument -

If things are getting heated, sometimes the best choice is to step away and cool off before coming together again to discuss the issue calmly. However, if your partner tends to walk away from every discussion or refuses to engage, it can be a sign that they don’t know how to cope with conflict. Fighting is never pleasant, but you do need to be able to express yourself and be heard.

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14. They blame others for their problems -

This may be tricky to recognize at first, but after a while you might spot a pattern. If they constantly come up with excuses and don’t take responsibility for things that go wrong in their life, they may be lacking in maturity and have a tendency to play the victim.

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14. They blame others for their problems - This might show up in your arguments with them too. Perhaps you end up being the one who apologizes every time after they make you feel bad, and somehow turn the blame around on you.

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15. They call you names in arguments - If they’re quick to get nasty in an argument and start calling you names, there’s really no excuse no matter what the reason for the fight is. It’s a potential sign that they can’t control their anger or don’t have respect for you.

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16. Close family and friends don’t like them - When we’re wrapped up in a new love, we don’t usually respond well to criticism from our loved ones. But if the people who know you well and care for you think there’s something a bit “off” with your new partner, it might be worth listening.

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17. They drive a wedge between you and your family -

On the flipside of this, it’s worrying if your new partner criticizes your friends or family, or tries to drive a wedge between you and them in any way.

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18. They cheated on their last partner with you -

Is there any worse precedent for a relationship?

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19. They hold you to a double standard -

Does your partner get jealous when you go on a night out with your friends but claim it’s different when they go out?

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20. They agree with you on everything -

It’s awesome when you meet someone with whom you share values and interests, but keep an eye out for people who claim to love everything you love. This can be a form of manipulation to catapult you into an intense relationship.

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Tips to avoid bad relationships -

Relationship therapist Abigail Brenner came up with a revealing exercise to help her clients see clearly when starting a new relationship. She advises them to think about their past relationships and ask themselves the following questions.

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1. Attraction -

What attracted you to that person at the beginning? Did the attraction last?

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2. Expectation vs. reality -

What were your expectations about this person? Were they just a fantasy, or did they come true?

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3. Duration -

How long did the relationship last? Sometimes we burn through the infatuation phase and discover there's nothing solid there to sustain the relationship.

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4. Revelations -

Were there any significant revelations during the relationship that changed your view of them? For example, did you catch them cheating on you or perhaps discover a side to their personality that surprised you?

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5. Deal breakers -

What was the deal breaker in your past relationship(s)? Sometimes we compromise at the beginning of a new relationship because we're so in love, but this isn't likely to end well.

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6. Patterns - After asking yourself these questions, have you spotted any patterns in your past relationships? This can help you to figure out what you want to avoid in future relationships, and what your personal red flags are.

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Go forth and conquer -

It gets easier to find a partner that's a good fit for you as you gain more experience and make more mistakes! Keeping your red flags in mind and approaching new relationships with your eyes wide open will make it that bit easier.

Sources: (Psychology Today) (Self) (Elephant Journal)

See also: The science behind falling in love

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