How to optimize your break-up -

We've all been through traumatic break-ups—the big ones that throw your mind into a tailspin and leave a lasting mark. When you're in the thick of it, it's hard to see things like value and growth, but these painful experiences can actually be the best time to learn about ourselves.

Breaking up is never easy, but you can make it easier on yourself and your partner if you understand how the brain reacts. Focusing on personal development during this time can heal your heart faster and shift your entire view of the situation. Click through the gallery to find out how. 

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Daniel Kahneman - Nobel Prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman has shown that the way we handle a break-up affects our memory of it and whether or not we can learn from the experience.

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Memories - Our memories of experiences are highly influenced by how we felt at the end.

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Memories - We can easily forget all of the good things we gained from a relationship if it ends badly.

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Learning - Kahneman discovered through his research that if the end of an experience is bad, it can seriously hinder our ability to analyze and learn.

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Communication - The way we behave and communicate as we end a relationship can lead to greater happiness, and can allow for growth.

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The great experiment - Dating could be considered a series of experiments on the journey to finding the right partner.

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Ending on good terms - Ending a relationship on good terms makes it easier to analyze it afterwards and take lessons from it. No one wants to spend time thinking about something that's incredibly painful.

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Anger - If you're holding on to anger and resentment then it's also unlikely that you'll be able to consider your own possible shortcomings in the relationship.

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Impact on the brain - One study showed that a terrible break-up and ensuing depression can actually impact brain function.

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Impact on the brain -

Researchers were able to observe the severity of a person's post break-up depression through brain imaging.

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Impact on the brain -

In the more severe cases, the brain's ability to deal with new information and transmit messages was reduced.

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Time to learn -

Surprisingly, our brains also think a break-up is a perfect time to learn!

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Rejection - Rejection is an essential part of the experience of finding the perfect "mate." This means that our ability to learn from rejections is directly linked to our survival and the continuation of the species.

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Rejection -

No wonder our brains begin preparing to learn when we experience rejection!

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Rejection -

It's biologicaly proven that rejection stirs up a number of neural systems, as well as causing chaotic feelings of sadness and loss.

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Scientific study - A study was performed on a group of men and women who had recently been dumped.

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Scientific study -

The scans showed increased activity in the areas of the brain that process gains and losses. This suggests that the participants were trying to figure out what went wrong, possibly thinking about their overall partner choices.

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Personal growth - Difficult experiences are often the most valuable in terms of personal growth.

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Personal growth -

Break-ups are never fun or easy, but we do have the choice to take something positive from them. Although, that's easier said than done!

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Tips -

Here are some ways to make your break-up experience as valuable and pain-free as possible.

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Dealing with reminders -

One of the worst parts of a break-up is dealing with reminders of that person.

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Reminders -

It's harder to heal a broken heart when you're forced to remember how much you loved them.

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Think bad thoughts! -

Research shows that thinking negative thoughts about your ex can help you get over the break-up faster, even though it's unpleasant.

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Think bad thoughts! -

A study showed that those who focused on negative things about their exes had a less intense emotional reaction when confronted with pictures of them.

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Self-esteem - Our self-esteem can suffer after a break-up, even if we're the one who made the decision to leave.

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Self-esteem -

A failed relationship is hard for everyone involved and can leave you with less hope of finding a happy relationship in the future.

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Self-esteem -

However, a study carried out over many years proves that we are resilient. Participants generally bounced back to their previous levels of confidence within a year, even if they remained single.

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Don't lose hope -

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Human beings are resilient and if we can bring ourselves to focus on the personal growth that comes from pain, we'll be even stronger in the end.  

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See also: - For a bit of inspiration, check out these inspiring women and their thoughts on being single.

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