These are the most common ways to find a partner - “How did you meet?” The familiar question has historically been answered with romantic or quirky tales of mutual friends and chance encounters, all of which compel a chorus of oohs and aws. But, in recent times, those tales have taken a drastic turn—whether for better or worse remains unclear. 

For a very long time, likely since the very beginning of time, close friends and family have been the most prominent way to establish new connections with other people. From the end of World War II until 2013, most heterosexual Americans were still meeting their romantic partners through friends, family, school, work, and so forth. It seems, however, that those networks are becoming increasingly more irrelevant. 

According to a dataset analysis, the internet may have largely replaced friends and family as a way for couples to meet. Online dating is revolutionizing romance. 

We’ve looked extensively at how technology has changed the way we interact with others, but not as much at how it changes who we interact with. Particularly in the realm of romantic relationships, there’s a notable shift happening that affects many parts of dating. Check out this gallery to see how couples are meeting, and why meeting on the internet is so appealing.

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The study - The authors of the analysis collected surveys from 3,510 heterosexual couples, asking them the classic question: “How did you meet?”

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Why only heterosexual? - This analysis did not include same-sex or non-binary couples because, according to the authors, they have always had more reason to use the internet to meet potential partners, for various societal and safety reasons.

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Using data amassed for years -

The study, provisionally accepted at the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, draws on a dataset of online dating trends that has been periodically updated since 2009. The Pew Research Center has also backed up the internet dating trend.

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Starting at the beginning - The role of family as matchmaker has been in decline for most of the late 20th century, as people began marrying when they were older, and young adults became more independent from their parents.

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Back when the internet was still new - The study reveals that 2% of couples who connected in 1995 met via the internet. That tiny number went up to 5% in 2000.

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Exponential increase - That 5% of people who met online later soared to approximately 20% for couples who met in 2010.

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Meeting online is now the most common way - In 2017, 39% of opposite-sex couples first saw each other on a screen, while nearly every other method for meeting partners—at work, church, school—has dropped off.

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The statistics don’t even capture the full scope - Upon further questioning, the authors found that some of the couples who met at a bar or restaurant (the only place other than online to also increase since 1995) actually only did so after meeting online first.

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Friends once held the top matchmaking spot - In 2009, meeting through friends was by far the most common way heterosexual couples met, which had been the norm for six decades prior.

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Since 2009, meeting through friends declined - During the rise of online courtship, the percentage of opposite-sex couples who met through friends fell from 33% in 1995 to 20% in 2017.

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Family has grown more separate from dating - Couples who met through family dropped from 15% in 1995 to 7% in 2017.

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Meeting through work remains slightly more popular - Couples who met as coworkers decreased from 19% in 1995 to 11% in 2017.

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The year that felt the biggest shift - The study deems 2013 as the approximate year when meeting online surpassed meeting through friends for heterosexual couples in the US.

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Why 2013 makes sense - Tinder, the leading mobile dating app, was first released in 2012.

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The stigma of online dating has declined - In combination with the rapid adoption of smartphones, online dating rocketed in popularity, and the more people used the platforms, the more appealing they became.

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Are dating apps and sites replacing humans? -

"Internet dating has displaced friends and family from their former roles as key intermediaries in the formation of new unions," the study argues.

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A huge impact caused by the internet - The authors say that disintermediation, which is the removal of the person connecting two parties, is one of the biggest societal impacts of the internet.

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Why is online dating so appealing? - The researchers hypothesized the four main reasons as to why couples are more likely to meet online and away from real-life social situations. They are as follows...

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1. Much more choice - Dating sites offer selection pools with thousands of times more people than the amount of singles your mother knows. Larger choice sets are especially appealing to those looking for something unusual or more rare in a partner.

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2. Your family/friends don’t have to know your type - The online realm is completely separate from friends or family, so you can express your specific dating preferences or activities without judgment.

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3. There’s up-to-date information - The structure of many dating sites enables them to hold up‐to‐date information about who is available and looking, which is more reliable than a family member's old Rolodex.

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4. The promise of compatibility - Through survey questions and preferences, data analysis, machine learning, and more, dating services can provide much more than a space for meeting online—they can match you with similar personalities or interests.

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Traditional advantages of meeting face‐to‐face - When you meet through connections established by friends and family, there’s significantly less danger, and there’s a certain reliability of the person's character.

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Many prefer the steps of dating online - Instead of meeting someone in person immediately, you begin by messaging. If the other person sends something inappropriate, you can block them. You cannot, unfortunately, block people in real life.

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There’s little to no risk of future awkward encounters - Whereas if you were dating your friend’s friend, there’s a good chance you’ll run into them again at some point.

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But online dating also has its cons - Even though people are statistically having more success with internet dating, they are also becoming more frustrated. It’s likely that, while online dating brings more options, it requires sifting through many more people.

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It’s not the most romantic answer to “How did you meet?” - A 2018 study of Britons found that 45% of respondents had used dating apps, but 37% said dating apps are their least preferred method to meet a new partner. 

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But it’s making daters more ambitious - With a pool of people at your fingertips, people feel they can reach a bit out of their league. A 2018 study showed that people tend to go after potential partners online who are more 25% more attractive than they are, though that’s obviously a subjective number. 

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The online search for love is busier than ever -

Ready to embrace dating in the digital era? Here are some tips to finding love online. 

Sources: Pew Research Center, BBC, CNN. 

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