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You might not want sex at all -

For many people, the overwhelming stress triggered by the pandemic has drowned out their sexual desire. If you simply want to cuddle and eat snacks, you're not alone!

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Stress can kill desire - Studies have found that stressful lives are linked to lower sexual arousal, so when you add the highest stress in the form of pandemic, you can imagine the results. Part of the problem is that when you're stressed, you can't be present, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explained to MGB.

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Survival eclipses pleasure -

Under immense stress, the regulatory systems in the brain and body remain at a heightened state, and our focus on survival takes up all the energy we might have for pleasure.

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What to do? -

Firstly, don't be hard on yourself. Your sexuality is not something you can separate from yourself, but rather it’s a holistic piece of our wellbeing that is connected to the rest of your life.

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Counter the cortisol -

Even beyond libido, it is important to counter the influx of stress-hormone cortisol with physical activities such as dancing, yoga, walking, and even laughing and hugging, all of which increase the feel-good hormone oxytocin.

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Lean into responsive desire - There are two types of desire: spontaneous and responsive. While you may not be experiencing any spontaneous desire (if you know you’re "not in the mood"), you may still access libido in response to stimulation. You can seek out and explore stimulus, whether that's in the form of erotica, or your partner.

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You might want more than usual - For many people, sex is a form of stress relief and a great distraction, and this pandemic has also seen a libido boost—the phenomenon dubbed the “apocalyptic hornies” by Men’s Health. For those in lockdown alone, a recent study has also shown a surge on dating apps.

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But it might be bad sex - One small study found that women are having more  s e x  during lockdown, due to both higher desire and close quarters. But the study also found that their overall quality of sex was lower (involving their ability to get aroused, lubrication, and ease of orgasm) despite the increased frequency.

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What to do? - Reframe your idea of sexual experience to take the pressure off. Expectations of orgasms and performing a routine of intercourse are what will make it feel unsatisfying, so listen to what your body is craving instead of what your mind expects.

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You might be feeling unhappy with your body -

Unfortunately, many people attach their confidence to their external appearance, so the recent lack of exercise and perhaps indulgence in comfort foods can affect your body image and thereby your sexual desire and satisfaction.

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Look bad, feel bad - In lockdown, many people also aren’t dressing or grooming themselves, which can impact both your sexual drive and your attraction to your partner. But before you go pointing fingers, get to the root cause.

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What to do? - Start by doing some work on yourself to detach your confidence from something so volatile as appearance. Of course, that’s not to say you’ll suddenly be free of the power of appearances, so you can still try to put a little effort into your presentation.

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Exercise is proven to boost libido -

Getting your sweat on in a home workout or on a run will not only benefit your physical and mental health, but it can boost your libido too!

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You're together too much -

Spending too much time with someone is actually not good for sexual desire. You don’t have the chance to miss them and you may even prefer some distance to getting closer.

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"Fire needs air" -

Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel said, "Fire needs air," meaning that desire requires space to thrive. Connection, after all, requires two beings who are separate.

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What to do? -

It sounds counterintuitive, but if you want to have more s e x  you might need to spend more time apart. Work from different rooms, take walks alone, have your own hobbies, and give yourselves the chance to miss each other.

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Your routines are killing desire - Many people created daily routines to add structure to these unpredictable times, and while that’s great for your mental health, research has shown that novel experiences are more conducive to higher libidos.

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There’s no new experiences - Sex therapists credit novelty as being the seed of desire, but in lockdown it's all too easy to fall into a pattern of watching Netflix for two hours before bed every night. New experiences are one of the essential ways for partners to feel connected and energized.

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What to do? - Even in pandemic, you can freshen up your routine in small but effective ways, like perhaps eating dinner in a park one evening, or taking on a small new task together, or swapping out Netflix for a game.

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You might not be sleeping well -

People are reporting crazy quarantine dreams and difficulties sleeping during this time, which can affect your hormones and hit your libido hard.

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What to do? - Try to eat healthily (i.e. no sugar before bed), get to bed on a regular schedule, and avoid all screens an hour before you're ready to sleep.

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You might be drinking more - Coping methods like these certainly aren’t ideal, but it’s the reality for a lot of people. Increased alcohol consumption has, however, been linked to sexual dysfunction and lack of sexual drive.

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What to do? - Try swapping out harmful coping methods with some aphrodisiacs.

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You might have limited access to reproductive care - It could be as simple as being out of barrier protection and not risking a run to the drugstore to buy more, or maybe your IUD expired, but lack of access to safer sex tools and reproductive health services is a very real problem in this pandemic.

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Having less sex means you desire less - Because of your hormones, the more you have sex, the more you'll crave it. So if you’re not having it or self-pleasing, you’ll crave it less as well, which will especially impact couples who aren’t in lockdown together.

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What to do? - Don’t worry! Adding stress is certainly not what you need right now, but you also have no reason to worry because libido won’t disappear forever, and it will likely come racing back post-pandemic.

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Intimacy doesn’t have to involve sex -

But it’s a great starting point if you want to have more s e x! It can be as simple as taking the time to ask how your partner is really doing, showing physical affection like holding hands or massaging, or doing something special for them.

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Unbalanced libidos -

It may well happen that you and your partner have wildly different libidos in this time, and that can lead to a lot of frustration and misunderstanding.

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What to do? -

Be honest about the state of your libido, and show compassion while encouraging one another to take care of your own individual needs.

See also: How exercise can boost your sex drive.

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