© Getty Images

On time -

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

© Getty Images

On grenades -

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

© Getty Images

On walls -

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. 

© Getty Images

On being cold -

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. 

© Getty Images

On weapons -

Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

© Getty Images

On phone calls -

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

© Getty Images

On germs -

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants.

© Getty Images

On Climate Change -

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

© Getty Images

On time travel -

If, by some paradox in the space/time continuum, Chuck Norris were ever to fight himself, he'd win.

© Getty Images

On energy drinks -

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage—it's called Red Bull.

© Getty Images

On exercise -

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

© Getty Images

On facial hair -

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.

© Getty Images

On extinction -

Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.

© Getty Images

On breakfast -

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with is teeth, and boils his water with his rage.

© Getty Images

On Where's Waldo -

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. 

© Getty Images

On dying -

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

© Bruno Press

On the Internet -

Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because he will never submit.

© Bruno Press

On sleep -

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

© NL Beeld

On gambling -

Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. And won.

© Getty Images

On margarine -

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

© Getty Images

On evolution -

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

© Getty Images

On Mars -

Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.

© Getty Images

On birth -

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. 

© Getty Images

On doors -

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 

© Getty Images

On fire -

Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

© Getty Images

On space -

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

© Getty Images

On television -

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

© Getty Images

On pajamas -

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

© Getty Images

On fears -

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

© Getty Images

On religion -

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

© Getty Images

On interior design -

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, it's just afraid to move.

© Getty Images

On camping -

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

© Getty Images

On bicycle tricks -

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

© Getty Images

On geography -

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

© NL Beeld

On crying -

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. He has never cried.

© Getty Images

On perspiration -

Chuck Norris sweats justice.

© Getty Images

On numbers -

Chuck Norris counted to infinity—twice.

© Getty Images

On email -

Chuck Norris's email: [email protected]

© Getty Images

On poker -

Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

See also: Chuck Norris isn't dead...or is he?

© Getty Images