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Ever felt like your partner pretends to be bad at something, just so you'll do it instead? If so, you may be a victim of weaponized incompetence. This sneaky but all too common behavior involves one person feigning incompetence at a given task, in order to convince the other person to step in and take their place.
How serious is this problem? And how can you address it? Check out this gallery to learn more.
If you use social media platforms, such as Instagram or TikTok, you may have noticed more and more people using the term "weaponized incompetence."
In general, this term is used to describe relationship situations in which one partner pretends to be bad at doing something just so the other person will step in and take over.
In addition to being very annoying, using weaponized incompetence against your partner can cause a significant and harmful imbalance in your relationship.
There are several reasons that someone might weaponize incompetence. The first is simply to shirk responsibility.
Unfortunately, there are people who want to avoid responsibilities such as childcare or household chores, and feigning incompetence can be an effective way to do that.
Individuals may also weaponize incompetence in order to avoid doing tasks that cause them discomfort or insecurity.
While someone may know how to change a diaper, for example, they may not be confident in doing so and therefore weaponize their incompetence to avoid the task.
Finally, in the case of an abusive relationship, one partner may exercise weaponized incompetence in order to maintain control over their partner.
Next up is attention-seeking. In certain cases, people may pretend to be incompetent at a given task just so their partner will show them some attention.
Indeed, people seeking attention may find that by appearing incapable, they are able to gain their partner’s sympathy or support.
Common examples include going to buy groceries and forgetting half the items on the list, or cooking dinner but leaving a giant mess in the kitchen for the other person to clean up.
Over time, the effects of weaponized incompetence can be very damaging to a relationship. Firstly, it can create an imbalance of responsibilities where one person takes on the majority of the work.
These feelings of resentment may be quite confusing–someone who is the victim of weaponized incompetence may love their partner but also feel very frustrated at the lack of support.
Weaponized incompetence can also lead to a breakdown of trust in a relationship. It can be difficult to trust your partner if you feel like you can’t rely on them in daily life.
That's not to mention the trust breakdown that will occur if one partner realizes the other is feigning incompetence on purpose to mislead them.
Couples who exercise weaponized incompetence may also experience an increase in conflict in the relationship, due to the unfair division of responsibilities.
There may also be a significant communication breakdown, with one partner afraid to express their frustrations for fear that the other will again weaponize their incompetence as a defense mechanism.
Finally, this behavior can cause gradual, or even sudden, emotional disconnection between partners, as one or both feels unsupported.
The first step to take is to recognize the pattern. Pay attention to what your partner says and does, as well as your reaction.
If you suspect that your partner is exercising weaponized incompetence, there are steps you can take to address it.
Next up is establishing clear boundaries and expectations. Discuss what you consider to be fair, and come to a clear arrangement about the division of responsibilities.
Listen actively to your partner during this conversation and give them an opportunity to explain their perspective. It is important to try and understand the underlying reasons for their behavior, even if you don’t agree.
The next step is to try and have an open and honest discussion about your partner’s behavior and how it makes you feel.
Once you have a clear plan and you’ve put it into action, be sure to check in with each other regularly to see whether the desired progress has been made.
In the move towards a more equal balance of responsibilities, discuss what is working and what isn’t, and what can still be improved.
If, after following these steps, you find that the problem persists, don’t be afraid to seek the help of a couple's therapist. A professional opinion can be very helpful when it comes to resolving this frustrating but all-too-common relationship problem.
Sources: (Verywell Mind)
What is weaponized incompetence, and how can you address it?
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LIFESTYLE Relationships
Ever felt like your partner pretends to be bad at something, just so you'll do it instead? If so, you may be a victim of weaponized incompetence. This sneaky but all too common behavior involves one person feigning incompetence at a given task, in order to convince the other person to step in and take their place.
How serious is this problem? And how can you address it? Check out this gallery to learn more.