This system has helped people for decades
Corporate jargon, corporate lingo, office buzzwords, otherwise known as BS (business speak, that is), has apparently been around since the '50s, when employees started feeling a disconnect in newly-formed large conglomerates and managers wanted a way to create an emotionally conducive workplace that would maximize profits, Wonderwall reports.
Can you not read? I've already answered everything you're asking!
I do not agree at all with your criticism. In fact, it's completely irrelevant, and I will never consider it.
Harvard Business Review wrote on Instagram that while corporate jargon is necessary in certain industries, "Research suggests that jargon can also result from insecurity and a desire for professional status. It can also make communication more difficult for group outsiders and lead them to disengage." Now for some examples of jargon and what they're often intended to mean...
I do not want to talk about this anymore, but if we must then give me some time to figure out what is actually happening.
Are you aware of how ridiculous your input sounds right now?
I am exhausted and cannot think of anything, so let's get together and call it brainstorming while you actually just give me ideas.
It is not my fault that you are running behind on your tasks, so do not rush me.
I foolishly trusted your mental capacity and didn't put it in writing, but now I realize that I was wrong to assume you were an adult who could retain obvious information.
Stop beating around the bush and give me a straight answer. Or: even though you might have told me you're working on it, I need to look like I'm managing this well by applying pressure.
There are many, many things wrong with this, but let's start slow.
I never once wanted to participate in this conversation and finally I have found an out. Please do not contact me on this further.
The intention behind this message is extremely unfriendly...
I cannot wait to spill some serious tea!
Do this now!
That's not what I told you to do!
You are either incompetent, unorganized, or ignoring the first copy I sent you.
I did not ask for your input, and this unsolicited advice is not useful to me. Do not do it again.
Do not ask me for anything ever again or you will certainly receive calculated mediocrity.
Sources: (Wonderwall) (Bored Panda) (LinkedIn Pulse) (Daily Mail)
See also: These hilarious responses to "how are you" are so much better than "fine"
I am really hoping that you don't ask me any questions.
The work is still difficult, but I will use a casual tone so that you might think it's easy and just get started and stop complaining already.
I'm going to reject this idea, but only later because you look like you really can't handle it right now.
I was absolutely zoned out and missed most of that, but do send me the summary, which I will probably not read.
I absolutely do not trust you to accomplish anything.
This isn't actually that important, but I really do not enjoy seeing that you have a life.
I know 100% that I am not wrong and there is no use in challenging me. But I dare you…
To put it in a dumbed-down way that even a simpleton like you might understand...
I will not let you forget that one mistake you made and I will use this opportunity to bring it up again so that you absolutely shake in your boots if you mess up again.
We both know you got yourself into trouble, so there's no use in pretending.
I do not respect you at all, but before I completely shut you down I need to make sure I won't get in trouble for it.
I've been keeping receipts because I absolutely do not trust you, so don't even try to pull a fast one.
I've phrased this as a request but it's actually a demand that I want no further discussion on.
When you put notoriously emotionally unkempt humans in a professional setting, you’re bound to get some passive aggressive behavior. But you won’t always recognize it!
Indeed, the corporate jargon you, your colleagues, and your bosses are sending over email and workplace chat platforms appears to be cool and collected, but it’s actually laden with coded messages. How can you be sure? Just think about the last time you wanted to berate someone for making your life harder at work—did you yell at them, or did you type out an email that politely reminded them of why their actions are grating and thanked them at the end?
Have we got your attention? Now, click through and read what some of the most common workplace jargon really means.
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LIFESTYLE Communication
When you put notoriously emotionally unkempt humans in a professional setting, you’re bound to get some passive aggressive behavior. But you won’t always recognize it!
Indeed, the corporate jargon you, your colleagues, and your bosses are sending over email and workplace chat platforms appears to be cool and collected, but it’s actually laden with coded messages. How can you be sure? Just think about the last time you wanted to berate someone for making your life harder at work—did you yell at them, or did you type out an email that politely reminded them of why their actions are grating and thanked them at the end?
Have we got your attention? Now, click through and read what some of the most common workplace jargon really means.