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If your child wants to have a private conversation with your ex, don't deny their request. Not allowing access or private communication is damaging to both parents' relationship with the child and each other.
If there's a school play or other significant life events happening, let your co-parent know as soon as possible. Also, don't deny access through non-communication. It will only build resentment.
The way you speak and use your tone matters. And charging into parenting discussions with your ex will only make things worse. Try to frame your questions as requests instead of demands.
Keep heated conversations away from your kids. Even if you don't trust each other or don't get along, avoid having those fights in front of the children. Kids will only have a harder time adjusting to the divorce.
Have other reliable, caring adults in your child's life, too. Devoted family members and friends are role models for your child as well. Plus, their commitment takes pressure off you.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to just listen, even if you're angry. Listening doesn’t signify approval. It shows maturity and flexibility. Listening is key when making co-parenting progress and resolving issues.
Even if you don't argue, kids can still sense tension, which causes anxiety. Therefore, aim for peaceful and cordial transitions. It will make the situation easier for everyone involved.
Placing your kid in the middle will just add stress to their lives. On top of that, it can also increase the potential for wrong messages being conveyed. As a co-parent, you need to take responsibility, and this is just the opposite.
People often think that divorce is especially challenging for children at a younger age, but the truth is it can still be difficult after your children are grown and have even moved out.
Make sure to encourage kids over 10 to talk to the other parent about their lack of follow-through, if that's the case. Even if it doesn't change anything, your child will feel better and get a sense of empowerment.
Co-parenting arrangements can be modified even after divorce. Regardless of whether the relationship is difficult, try to communicate amicably, as if officials might use your messages to judge you. You never know what might happen.
Sources: (Parents) (Survive Divorce)
See also: Bizarre marriage and divorce laws from around the world
When your child goes to be with the other parent, make it clear that you're happy that they're spending time together. Otherwise, you can unconsciously make your child feel guilty about leaving, and this will also make pickup for the other parent more difficult.
If the other parent often cancels, have a backup plan whenever your child is supposed to see him or her. Having a fun outing diverts the potential letdown.
This means it's time for you to step back a bit. Limit the communication to a minimum, other than to coordinate pickups and drop-offs.
Whether your child is upset about the divorce or something else, don't downplay your child's pain and sadness. Offer your support by letting them understand that their feelings matter.
Kids will take on the blame when a parent regularly doesn't show up. As a result, self-esteem can drop. Make sure to continually reassure your child that the other parent's lack of commitment has nothing to do with them. And that they're still loved no matter what.
Divorce is a process, and it's overwhelming for everyone involved, including children. Try to maintain as many security anchors as possible for them. This includes an amicable relationship with your ex, rituals like story time before bedtime, and a safe home environment.
You can't control other people, but you can control how you act and communicate. An uncooperative ex doesn't help, but as long as you do your part to convey critical information, that's all you can do.
If a parent cancels on plans, it's important that your child has the chance to express their feelings. Make sure to let your child vent without you criticizing or apologizing for the absent parent.
Overall, consistency is important, but some flexibility can help both parents. Be open to altering the visitation schedule to make it easier for both.
If you blame, criticize, or accuse the other parent when it comes to your children, then you're only going to make matters worse. Be careful with your anger and how you say things.
It’s not enough to be only physically present. Parents need to be engaged on an emotional level as well. The quality time spent with your children is equally important as the quantity.
Parents can often feel awkward when their kids come home from an ex's house. They might not know what to say and end up saying nothing. However, this silence unconsciously sends the message that you're either unhappy, disapproving, or uncomfortable with the time spent with the other parent. Instead, be interested and supportive.
Children will have questions. They also need reassurance that both parents still love them. Make sure they understand the divorce isn't their fault and that they won't be abandoned.
This can be a sensitive subject. But unless otherwise agreed, keep communication only between you and your ex when it comes to your children. Of course, this might relax over time as new routines are established.
Forcing children to choose sides in a divorce is unfair. Just focus on your relationship with your children, and don't badmouth your ex.
Unless there’s an emergency, don't bombard the other parent with emails and texts. Messages should relate to specific subjects about the kids' activities.
If you need to vent about your ex, don't do it with your kid. You'll probably regret it in the future. Instead, talk with friends, family members, or a therapist.
Doing so only adds to the ugliness. Plus, you'll sound bitter and mean. Keep it classy by using respectful words. You'll also set an example for your kids.
Divorce isn't easy for anyone, especially when there are children involved. And unless there are extraordinary circumstances, such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting is usually the way to go. But while it's nice in theory, it can sometimes present its challenges. However, there are steps one can take to minimize conflicts and develop routines that will create a friendly atmosphere between parents and child.
Want to know how to protect kids from divorce-related stress? Then check out this gallery.
Reducing the stress of divorce for kids
How to create a positive environment with minimum conflict
LIFESTYLE Family
Divorce isn't easy for anyone, especially when there are children involved. And unless there are extraordinary circumstances, such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting is usually the way to go. But while it's nice in theory, it can sometimes present its challenges. However, there are steps one can take to minimize conflicts and develop routines that will create a friendly atmosphere between parents and child.
Want to know how to protect kids from divorce-related stress? Then check out this gallery.