Dark truths to lightening your skin
This can sometimes manifest as a superstition, where, for example, some chance happenings of wearing a certain pair of underwear mean you’ll do well on a presentation, and then when it’s in the wash you fear you’ll bomb the presentation. It can also manifest as going for a run and wheezing after five kilometers, then believing you’re just too unfit to run.
This thought pattern is about expectations and unrealistic standards, wherein if something is not entirely perfect, you see it or yourself as a failure.
To straighten out this distortion of thought, one must simply focus on the successes, on the things you ticked off your to-do list, or the fact that you have been working so hard that it’s a miracle you have time to worry about the state of your home.
This is a very limiting thought pattern that takes one small, perhaps even isolated incident and makes it the rule. So, if one thing goes wrong, that will always happen, or everything else will also go wrong.
If you didn’t manage to knock off every single item on your to-do list for the day, you look at the day as unsuccessful. Or, you were too busy to clean your house, so you think of yourself as someone who doesn’t have their life in order.
You must remember that people can grow, circumstances can change, and one experience does not dictate how all similar experiences will go.
We can hear 100 compliments and one criticism, and most of us will remember the criticism best. Dwelling on the negatives is a fairly common cognitive distortion, which can lead to a warped and bleak perception of reality.
It sounds overly simple, but to counter this thought pattern you must forcefully focus on the positives instead. It’s not easy, but one way you can train your mind out of that pathway is whenever you’re slipping into the negatives, immediately think about the next good thing coming up in your day.
One example is receiving a nice email or gift or message from someone, and then immediately suspecting that there is some ulterior motive.
While this might sound very similar to mental filtering, this cognitive distortion goes one step further—instead of just dwelling on the negatives, you actively turn neutral or positive experiences into negative ones.
When we lie awake at night and memories filter past our consciousness, while we have plenty of happy moments we could replay, we tend to re-run those cringey, embarrassing moments. Think about all those old arguments you still try to win in the shower when you could be dwelling on all the compliments you ever got!
To counter your own assumptions and accusations, it’s best to take the advice of Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh and ask yourself: “Am I sure?” It’s not easy to turn yourself into an optimist, but most of the time this question will disarm your negativity because the answer will almost certainly be “no.”
A common example of this is in regards to our health, when you might perhaps feel a pain in your side and magnify the experience until you believe you’re dying, before actually seeing a doctor. It can also involve screwing up a task at work and stressing all day that you’re going to be fired.
Even those who can lucidly say that they respect objective facts will often have thought pathways through which they’ll jump to a negative conclusion despite not nearly enough evidence. It ruins relationships and causes so much unnecessary stress.
This cognitive distortion takes a particularly warped shape as you magnify the impact or seriousness of an experience to an unhealthy degree.
If you suspect a partner is cheating on you because they’re coming home late from work, you could decide this 'fact' in your mind and start self-sabotaging the relationship without even confronting them about your suspicions. If you think someone doesn’t like you because of a message they sent, you could suffer for no reason, or you could be defensive when speaking to them.
Again, another great way to reverse this pattern of assumption and accusation is to ask yourself: “Am I sure?” If you continue to jump to the same conclusion, the best thing might be to actually find out the answer.
To stop magnifying, one might minimize. You can do that by putting your experience into perspective. Don’t search online for what your illness could be—instead, go to a clinic. Think realistically about whether someone could fire you for a simple mistake. A great way to get some help is to talk to others about your concerns.
This one happens in social spheres quite often, where someone will feel unintelligent or boring in a conversation because they didn’t know an answer or didn’t have much to contribute, and they will believe that they genuinely are unintelligent and/or boring.
This is another tricky thought pattern because we are taught to trust ourselves and listen to our feelings, which is great until you believe that the way you’re feeling in the moment is the way you actually are.
Of course, there are "should" statements that help us preserve some degree of morality in the world, but when you use “shoulds” or “shouldn’ts” as personal motivation, you set yourself up for painful self-blame.
No one person can fit in a simple box, but we tend to have this habit of trying to put other people and ourselves in one. When we do so, it’s actually distorted thinking.
One might remember that feelings are fleeting! They are not proof of who you are, and in fact you’re only hindering yourself from having better experiences if you believe your worst feelings are who you are. Emotions are simply responses, and they will pass and change—if you let them.
One common one is telling ourselves we should be exercising or we shouldn’t be eating certain things. They make you feel bad instead of actually being motivating.
Stop using “shoulds” and start setting realistic, small goals to help motivate you. Instead of making up stressful rules in your life, be flexible and gentle with yourself.
Maybe you decide that you’re not the sporty type so you don’t even try activities that you might actually enjoy. Maybe you write someone off as boring but they actually just need some time to warm up to you.
Empathy is a great tool for countering this cognitive distortion. Think about how you’d feel if someone labeled you based on a moment that you feel doesn’t reflect you. Consider that, just as you can be many things, so too can everyone else.
In an increasingly individualistic world, this thought pattern of wrongly finding yourself to be the cause of some external event is a huge stressor.
You can reverse this negative thought pattern by coming to terms with the realistic limits of your control. You can’t control what others think or feel or enjoy or don’t enjoy. All you are responsible for is yourself.
Sources: (Psychology Today)
One way this can manifest is if you’re out with friends and you feel personally responsible for whether they have a good time when you’re with them.
We invest so much power in our minds that we often tend to take its thoughts and patterns for granted. It’s also dangerously easy for us to rationalize distorted thoughts, which is why they’re so common. But what if the way your mind was wired is actually hindering your daily life?
Cognitive distortions, or negative thinking patterns, are well-trodden paths of the mind that must be trained out so that we can live more harmoniously with ourselves and the people around us. There are 10 common patterns that you’ll recognize in yourself, but, more importantly, there are easy ways to counter those patterns and forge new, healthier, and clearer paths for the rest of your life. Click through to get started.
Negative thought patterns and how to reverse them
The cognitive distortions you might not know are ruining your life
HEALTH Psychology
We invest so much power in our minds that we often tend to take its thoughts and patterns for granted. It’s also dangerously easy for us to rationalize distorted thoughts, which is why they’re so common. But what if the way your mind was wired is actually hindering your daily life?
Cognitive distortions, or negative thinking patterns, are well-trodden paths of the mind that must be trained out so that we can live more harmoniously with ourselves and the people around us. There are 10 common patterns that you’ll recognize in yourself, but, more importantly, there are easy ways to counter those patterns and forge new, healthier, and clearer paths for the rest of your life. Click through to get started.