What are the origins of this fun-filled festive custom?
If you come from a dysfunctional family, you will know how exhausting it can be. The constant arguing, putting each other down, and general misery is draining. Unfortunately, however, we cannot choose our family and there is little use complaining. We have to make do, but luckily there are some techniques we can use to help.
Check out this gallery for some tips on how to cope with a dysfunctional family.
It's important to realize that dysfunctional families are often resistant to change. When you meet up with your family members, try to accept that some level of conflict is inevitable.
You may also find it helpful to be realistic about which family members cause the most conflict. In some situations it may be necessary to limit your contact with that family member.
This is not the right choice for everyone, but some people find it helpful to take someone with them for moral support when meeting up with their difficult family.
If you have a close friend or partner you trust, why not ask them to accompany you to family occasions? It is a good idea to warn that person that your family can be difficult at times.
It's hard to overstress the importance of this one, since alcohol can heighten emotions in even the most functional and stable of people and families.
If your family can be difficult to be around, do your best to limit the alcohol intake. If you have problem drinkers in your family, try to organize a booze-free gathering.
If you have a dysfunctional family, it is likely that you know the topics that are likely to cause drama. Take it upon yourself to steer the conversation well clear of those topics.
It can be frustrating having to take responsibility for the conversation in this way, but you might find it goes a long way. Recognize the triggers and move the conversation on.
Sometimes things might get too much, and there is no shame in having an out. If you need a short break, why not go help in the kitchen or pick up something from the store?
If you expect that you will want to leave a gathering early, let people know early on that you have another commitment so that they won’t be offended when you leave.
It's important to recognize that you do not have control over everything and everyone, and that sometimes it is better to let a certain conflict go.
For example, if your brother is overly jealous of all those around him and treats everyone badly as a result, recognize that it is his responsibility to change, not yours.
At the same time, you should take some time to recognize your own emotional needs. We all have individual needs and we all deserve for those needs to be respected.
Take some time to think about certain behaviors that you have to deal with, and decide what is acceptable and what is not. It might be time to assert yourself when it comes to certain behaviors.
It is possible to let someone know when they have crossed a line without being aggressive or spiteful. When it comes to setting boundaries, be clear and concise.
For example, if your father insists on discussing your career in the demeaning way he usually does, tell him calmly that you do not want to discuss it and swiftly change the topic.
This one is enormously helpful when it comes to expressing your emotions and managing conflict. Try to express yourself using sentences that begin with “I feel.”
This technique helps people show their emotions without placing blame. Speaking in such terms will make it less likely that a conversation becomes heated.
If there are certain behaviors in your family that you wish would change, be the change that you want to see. Lead by example and watch your family follow.
For example, if your uncle is rude and unkind, don’t respond by being rude and unkind. Respond instead with compassion and patience; don’t let his poor behavior bring you down.
Sometimes you might do your best to assert yourself in a conversation and the family member you are talking to may not respond. You may decide it is not worth pushing it.
For example you might ask your mother to stop criticizing your appearance and she might refuse, she might even force an argument. In these situations, going for a short walk can’t hurt.
Dealing with the emotional burden of a dysfunctional family can be very exhausting and even damaging in the long term. There is no shame in finding someone professional to talk to.
You may find that your doctor can refer you to a therapist, or even your insurance provider. Students may well be able to access free counseling through their schools.
When someone wrongs us, we often feel tempted to push down the anger response and skip straight to forgiveness. Try not to do this, as it will cause more harm than good.
The anger response is very natural and it's important to embrace it in a healthy way, such as by talking to close friends or attending support groups.
This can be one of the hardest hurdles for people who come from dysfunctional families, but it is extremely important if you want to build a support network to help you through.
Try to find the support of healthy people, people who are kind and optimistic and who will help you express your emotions and take care of yourself.
On that note, you should always remember to take care of yourself. This is something that people from dysfunctional families unfortunately often forget.
Be sure to eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly. In addition, don’t be afraid to treat yourself now and again. Take a day off if you need one, and indulge in the small pleasures.
Sources: (WikiHow)
How to cope with a dysfunctional family
Some tips for people with difficult families
LIFESTYLE Tips
If you come from a dysfunctional family, you will know how exhausting it can be. The constant arguing, putting each other down, and general misery is draining. Unfortunately, however, we cannot choose our family and there is little use complaining. We have to make do, but luckily there are some techniques we can use to help.
Check out this gallery for some tips on how to cope with a dysfunctional family.