What are the origins of this fun-filled festive custom?
Not everyone likes to share their personal lives on social media, but if they’re making excuses to hide your relationship completely from family and friends, that’s a red flag.
How long did the relationship last? Sometimes we burn through the infatuation phase and discover there's nothing solid there to sustain the relationship.
This may be tricky to recognize at first, but after a while you might spot a pattern. If they constantly come up with excuses and don’t take responsibility for things that go wrong in their life, they may be lacking in maturity and have a tendency to play the victim.
It may seem playful and cute if your partner is tickling you, poking you, or basically getting all up in your business all the time. The warning sign is that they don’t stop when you tell them to. It may seem silly, but if they keep pushing physical boundaries beyond your comfort, that could mean that they don’t respect your personal space. This can just be annoying, or it could be a warning sign of something more dangerous.
A common red flag is that a new partner doesn’t have many friends. They can try to justify this, and sometimes it might be legitimate if they’re just very happily introverted or moved to a new city. However, it may be a sign that they struggle to maintain strong relationships with others due to some kind of dysfunctional behavior.
Does your partner get jealous when you go on a night out with your friends but claim it’s different when they go out?
Sometimes we feel stupid around people and we tell ourselves it’s because they’re smarter or more experienced than we are. The truth is that no matter how smart you are, there’s a way to share new information with someone without putting them down.
Is there any worse precedent for a relationship?
Eye rolling is a pretty mild way of expressing frustration or disagreement, but it’s not a particularly respectful reaction. If it’s frequent then it becomes even more dismissive. Research even shows that eye rolling is a common indicator of divorce.
If things are getting heated, sometimes the best choice is to step away and cool off before coming together again to discuss the issue calmly. However, if your partner tends to walk away from every discussion or refuses to engage, it can be a sign that they don’t know how to cope with conflict. Fighting is never pleasant, but you do need to be able to express yourself and be heard.
On the flipside of this, it’s worrying if your new partner criticizes your friends or family, or tries to drive a wedge between you and them in any way.
If you notice they have trouble managing their time, finances, can’t hold down a job, or seem not to plan for their future, it could mean that they’re still growing up. These problems also cause stress and take energy to resolve, so they may not have the time and energy to dedicate themselves to your relationship.
We don’t all get along with our parents all the time–that’s normal. However, do keep any eye out for people who don’t respect their parents. It’s never attractive to see a grown adult being unnecessarily rude or ungrateful with their folks, and it might suggest that they take them for granted and have a mean streak that you’ll see more of down the line.
Relationship therapist Abigail Brenner came up with a revealing exercise to help her clients see clearly when starting a new relationship. She advises them to think about their past relationships and ask themselves the following questions.
What was the deal breaker in your past relationship(s)? Sometimes we compromise at the beginning of a new relationship because we're so in love, but this isn't likely to end well.
It gets easier to find a partner that's a good fit for you as you gain more experience and make more mistakes! Keeping your red flags in mind and approaching new relationships with your eyes wide open will make it that bit easier.
Sources: (Psychology Today) (Self) (Elephant Journal)
See also: The science behind falling in love
What attracted you to that person at the beginning? Did the attraction last?
What were your expectations about this person? Were they just a fantasy, or did they come true?
All their exes are crazy and irrational. Really? Chances are you'll be described the same way in a few months when you refuse to play by their rules.
Were there any significant revelations during the relationship that changed your view of them? For example, did you catch them cheating on you or perhaps discover a side to their personality that surprised you?
This can be exciting and romantic, but in reality it’s never good to be put on a pedestal because you’ll always come crashing down eventually. No one is perfect and it may be a sign that they are projecting an idea of a perfect person onto you rather than truly seeing you. Strong relationships require acceptance of all parts of ourselves, good and bad.
It’s awesome when you meet someone with whom you share values and interests, but keep an eye out for people who claim to love everything you love. This can be a form of manipulation to catapult you into an intense relationship.
At the beginning of a relationship, we tend to turn a blind eye to flaws that become much more significant later on. Most of us are guilty of falling headlong into infatuation with someone and totally ignoring the warning signs. Sometimes this just means an epic romance fizzles out after a few months, but, if we’re not careful, there’s also a risk of getting wrapped up in a toxic relationship.
Let's take a look at some of the key red flags to look out for when you start dating someone. Click through the gallery to get started.
Common relationship red flags
The telltale signs of a scrub
LIFESTYLE Dating
At the beginning of a relationship, we tend to turn a blind eye to flaws that become much more significant later on. Most of us are guilty of falling headlong into infatuation with someone and totally ignoring the warning signs. Sometimes this just means an epic romance fizzles out after a few months, but, if we’re not careful, there’s also a risk of getting wrapped up in a toxic relationship.
Let's take a look at some of the key red flags to look out for when you start dating someone. Click through the gallery to get started.