From Ukraine to Gaza
This type of perfectionist is characterized by a fear of failure, harsh self-criticism, and belief that their worth is tied to the avoidance of mistakes. This is the one that causes more harm than good.
When you’re feeling obligated to do something, or agonizing over an assignment, ask yourself what’s the worst thing that could happen if you let go.
Make choices that move you towards your goal, even if it’s not the way you planned. For example, choose to do a short workout rather than no workout at all.
It can be helpful to ask yourself this question in stressful moments. Contemplate whether or not it's worth the energy you're putting in. Maybe there's another way.
Try to notice when you’re feeling like a failure because you made a mistake. Remind yourself: I am in the process of learning, mistakes are expected, no one is perfect.
We don’t always have the information to make the right decision at the time. When you’re beating yourself up over a negative outcome, consider whether you really could have predicted it. Sometimes we need to make decisions when we’re under pressure or emotional. All you can do in that moment is your best.
In addition to this, perfectionist beliefs have been linked to lower productivity and performance.
Think about what drives your desire for perfection. Is it the belief that perfection will bring you acceptance? That being the perfect daughter, partner, or parent, for example, will earn you love?
Do you resent others for putting in less effort than you do with the same task, or behaving in a way that you feel you’re not allowed to?
Think about your standards for yourself; as an employee, a friend, a partner, or a parent. How often do you achieve them? If it’s not very often, then you may be setting unreachable goals for yourself.
Do you feel like you need to give something 100% of your energy and do it perfectly, or it’s not worth starting? Does the concept of ‘good enough’ exist for you?
Do you find yourself struggling to make decisions, perhaps hoping that someone else will make the decision for you? This relieves you of the responsibility of any negative outcomes.
We all have a voice in our head that tells us we’re not good enough sometimes. If yours has taken over, try writing down some of the messages you’re giving yourself or tell a loved one. You’ll probably find they’re unnecessarily harsh, sometimes bordering on delusional!
Consider the difficulties you’ve overcome and congratulate yourself: you can create a better balance with your critical side. Dealing with perfectionism on a daily basis is challenging. Show yourself some appreciation when you leave the dishes unwashed without getting stressed!
Consider the following questions and see if you recognize some of these feelings and behaviors in your daily life.
Adaptive perfectionists set high standards for themselves, work hard, and feel satisfaction and pride when they achieve something.
Consider what went wrong. Think about the mistake as an experience that you can learn from, and how you can build on it to move towards your goal. Every star athlete loses sometimes. It doesn’t mean they have to give up: they just learn from it and keep moving forward.
Do you feel the need to be perfect when trying something new? For example, fearing making mistakes when learning a new language, even though you know it’s part of the learning process?
There are two kinds of perfectionism. One is useful, and one is not so useful.
It can be helpful to reflect on these issues through writing. Write about your perceived failures and how they made you feel. It’s a way of processing these experiences and may lead to unexpected insights. For more info on the benefits of journaling, follow this link.
Those who have a tendency towards maladaptive perfectionism are unlikely to give themselves a pat on the back when they achieve something. In fact, they’re likely to downplay their successes or even convince themselves it was an undeserved one-off.
Luckily there are a number of ways to help yourself. Identifying the behavior is the first step.
It’s not surprising when you consider the cycle that maladaptive perfectionism puts you in: set unreachable goals, fail to reach them, become depressed and lethargic, feel a deep sense of failure, develop lower self-esteem and high self-blame.
On the flip side of that, maybe you believe that failure or mistakes will permanently change you, or change other people's opinions of you. For example, if you leave the house a mess your partner will be disappointed or annoyed, and you’ll feel less worthy of their love.
A perfectionist is not just a person who does everything perfectly. They can be a meticulously organized overachiever, or someone who struggles to be anywhere on time and leaves clothes all over the bedroom floor. Indeed, perfectionism is not so much what you do, but how you feel. It could be described as a fear of making mistakes. This can apply to anyone, even those who seem ‘perfect.’
Click through the following gallery to read about the different kinds of perfectionism, and some tips for being a little kinder to yourself.
The dangers of perfectionism and how to overcome it
Why aiming for perfection can hold you back from success
LIFESTYLE Mental health
A perfectionist is not just a person who does everything perfectly. They can be a meticulously organized overachiever or someone who struggle to be anywhere on time and leaves clothes all over the bedroom floor. Indeed, perfectionism is not so much what you do, but how you feel. It could be described as a fear of making mistakes. This can apply to anyone, even those who seem ‘perfect.’
Click through the following gallery to read about the different kinds of perfectionism and some tips for being a little kinder to yourself.